Can't heal a broken heart (LokixReader)

Chapter-24

**I changed this chapter. About 3 years laterm i have been feeling guilty about including self harm and romanticising it so if anyone has read this chapter before and did see it I am so sorry. Romanticising this is not something you should do. If you're not okay this is your sign to please seek professional help**

***lokis pov***
Loki could not believe it. After the time you and him had together... He was standing in his underwear and sitting by the window. The emotional pain killing him and his eyes red from the tears. He hadn't come out his room for days on end. Silently he looked down on the kingdom. Happy people. He missed you with all his heart. He had no energy left anymore to stand up or eat if he wanted to, which he didn't. But he did not give up. He wanted you back. This could not be the end.

There was a knock on the door. Just like every other day since you... Since.. Loki could not even finish that sentence in his head.Sadness and anger took over again. "Yes..?" Loki said softly. "I have some food for you brother". Loki's heart hurt. "I'll kindly decline". He said. "Go on brother. You haven't had a meal in a week. Come out your room and talk to father. He feels guilty". "Father should feel nothing else but guilt. He deserves to feel that way". Loki's hand grabbed the pole of a chair and ripped it in half. "He killed her!"

"Brother, you know that's not true". Loki wanted to scream and throw a fit. But he didn't,he kept calm. He looked at his brother and his clothes appeared on him. "Fine, I'll see him"

The brothers walked next to each other on the way to the throne. Loki could not think straight. Moments of you and him together flashed through his mind. When he first laid eyes on you when you were resting in the meadow. When you first talked to him. Your first kiss. That one time he could kiss your neck, feel your breath. And feel your tongue in his mouth while at the same time you would feel him inside of you too. It all seemed so short. Too short. The one clip that kept torturing him were your last words to him. "I love you Loki" "I love you Loki" "I love you Loki" it echoed through his mind.

"I love you Loki, and I know you're going through a hard time right now". Loki looked up into the eyes of his father. "Where's mother?" Loki said. A look of surprise came over Odin's face. "I believe your mother is in the library". Loki turned around and walked away. "I wish to talk to you about Y/N. Loki!? LOKI!!" Loki ignored his father and walked towards the library. He opened the doors Loki-wise and he spotted his mother working on one of the desks. She looked up and looked into Loki's eyes.

Walked towards him and when she was closer than a meter she put her arms around him and cried. "I'm so sorry my boy. I'm so so sorry". Loki held the head of his mother and recognized the smell of his childhood. They broke up the hug and looked into each others eyes. "It's okay". Loki said. "As long as I don't lose you mother". Loki's mother smiled at him. "I. And Y/N will always be in your heart".

Then Frigga sighed. The question had to come. "When.. when is the funeral?" She asked. With an empty feeling in his stomach and heart he answered that the funeral would be the next day. "But before everyone looks at her. I would want to say goodbye to her myself. I want to.. tell her. That I love her too". Loki closed his eyes and felt a warm liquid on his face. Frigga had never seen her son be this heartbroken before. The light of her life. Her sunshine. Her boy, was heartbroken, depressed and dangerously sick of losing you.

Once Loki had arrived at your room. With your coffin in the middle. He closed the door. A grim air was hanging in this room. Loki sat on the bed, scared to talk to you. Because what would it matter? You were dead. Dead as can be. And with your death, a part of Loki died with you. He held your hand which was cold as ice. "I.." he took a deep breath. "I love you too Y/N". He held your hand against his head. He smelled the air of the room to desperately imagine you, standing in front of him, telling him you would come back.

The phone rang, somewhere. Loki looked around for it and found it in the closet. The phone kept ringing so Loki decided to pick it up. "Y/N?" Loki didn't say a word. "Hello? I wanted to ask you, if I and Josh could still come by". Loki's chest hurt again. He coughed once. "F/N, I.. I will pick you up, I know where you live, I'll ring the door". And then he hung up.

He wasn't sure what to do now, of course he had to break the news to your friend. Still it felt weird, sad. He sat on your bed, trying to bring back the memories when you and him used to sleep there, laugh there., and have sex there. He wanted you back more than anything in his life. Mourning over you hurt more than anything he ever felt before.

Loki looked into the mirror and saw the mess he had become. He saw the dark circles under his eyes and his cheekbones that were unhealthy sharp. He sighed, could he ever move on? He then shook his head and tilted his head backwards and fell onto the bed. He heard the wind that was running around the castle and provoked him. Then he felt like he saw a shadow in the mirror.

It looked like a boy but it had disappeared in almost a split second. Loki couldn't get smarter from it and stopped thinking about it, he was probably just imagining things. After about an hour laying down on the bed like this and closing his eyes, he woke up. Scared. He had an idea, but he was going to need F/N and Josh for this.