An Accident, A Decision, and Destiny (Revised)

Chapter 17

"Aunt Jill, I've been thinking . . . a lot. In fact, the last three nights I haven't slept much at all. In my head, I keep going over and over the pros and cons of living the rest of my life as a boy and as a girl and I keep coming to the same conclusion . . . "

I paused.

This was the most important decision I would ever make in my life and the importance of it weighed heavy on me.

I knew what I had determined to be best for me and I was ready, but I was still filled with fear. For one, there was my dad. Yes, I knew he supported this summer experiment and said he'd support my transition, but was he really on board with whatever I chose?

What if Dad was only supportive because he believed in his heart this would show me it wasn't what I wanted I and would be ready to choose boy?

But did that really matter if I knew this would make all the difference between a wonderful life and an unhappy, unfulfilled one?

On the other hand what if this wasn't the right decision and I was only holding on to it because all the money he spent on this summer would otherwise be wasted? I mean, we've spent hundreds of dollars of his money on clothes, shoes, underwear, makeup, and accessories.

Then there were the experiences. I had gone to the salon for medi/pedi's ten times in eleven weeks, gotten $140 spa treatments twice, joined Kelli's dance class, and attended three classes a week for the past eight weeks.

This week there had been no dance classes because Kelli and I had attended a cheerleading camp. Both of these experiences were several hundred dollars, in addition to the cost of the dance outfit and shoes and the cheer uniform; several hundred more dollars.

Maybe Dad believed this was what was best for me and had only agreed to spend all that money because he wanted me to see the same thing. If that was the case, I knew he'd be very upset at having wasted several thousand dollars.

I had thought about this at length and now I wondered if it was influencing my decision.

My mom, I wasn't too worried about. I knew she truly wanted what was best for me and would allow me the freedom and support to live whatever life I chose. 

Then there were my friends. What will they think and say? I knew Jerry wouldn't take it well, me choosing to become a girl. I knew him well enough to know. He would probably have a hard time dealing with it and would no longer be my friend.

Devon would probably be okay with me choosing to transition, but our friendship would suffer from the awkwardness of it.

Rachael, she's a girl in our group of friends. We're all friends, but she and I are closer than either of us are with anyone else. I'd had a crush on her for the past year and a half, but was securely friend-zoned.

She and I would probably become even closer if I became a girl. Her only issue might be the fact that I did this all summer without telling her.

Then there's Gil- -

"Sweetheart," Aunt Jill finally began, interrupting my thoughts. "Take your time. I know it's hard. I'm here for you." She pulled her chair next to mine and put her arm around me.

"A-Aunt Jill . . ." I dropped my head as a tear trickled down my cheek. "I-I've made a decision. I've decided living the rest of my life as a girl, is probably best."

"It what you think is best, but it's it what you want?"

I began to think about all I'd experienced and learned since this had begun. Honestly, I had enjoyed my time here at Aunt Jill's living as a girl more than my life as a boy. The more I thought about it the more I could imagine a happier future as a girl than a boy. All the clothes, shoes, hairstyles, makeup, and experiences, I loved it all and I knew I'd be happier as a girl due to my physical situation too.