Sweetest Little Show - Paul McCartney Fanfiction

Chapter 12 - Forgivness

**

Lying in bed alone when you have someone who you could be cuddling with is strange. Now that we were a thing, it felt like it was right to be sharing a bed with Paul. I was already living with him. When you're in a relationship, the goal should be to keep moving forward, but now I felt like we were already moving back.

Just as I was about to fall into a thought of no more hope, the door creaked slowly and I knew Paul was there. We couldn't see each other, the light was off, but I could feel his presence. It felt like whenever he was there, I knew it was him. If he were somewhere else, I wouldn't stop thinking about him. I didn't want the damage to hurt us, but I wanted us to grow stronger. This crush was turning into something big, something crazy and different.

The bed sank slightly as I felt him sit next to me. He knew I was awake. Just like I knew he was there. But I could tell he wasn't smiling, instead I could sense that unsure look on his face. The one were his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth slightly curved into a slight pout.

"Paul," I said, my voice sounding tired.

"Did I wake you?" Paul asked.

"No uh actually, I've been up this whole time. Can't sleep," I replied.

"Something on your mind?" Paul asked.

"You," I said, truthfully. The thought of me hurting him or making him feel guilty about something that wasn't his fault didn't sit well with me. I didn't think it was fair that I would be pushing him away when all he did was try his best with us.

The lamp that sat on the bedside table next to me flicked on, and I saw his face. He had a goofy little grin, one that had a big contrast from the blushing guilt that had painted his face earlier today. "Well now you can see me," Paul said.

I smiled back at him, sitting up. The way his hair was standing up and was messy amused me, and it prompted me run my fingers through it. It just looked so fluffy, and I wanted to play around with it despite the fact that we needed a serious talk.

"Your hair, I love it," I said.

He reached for mine, and held the end as he stroked it with his thumb. "Y'know, I love yours too. Short hair looks good on you," Paul said.

We both let go of each other, leaving a silence that would last for a good 20 seconds. After that whole 20 seconds of both of us not speaking, I decided I'd speak up. "Obviously there's some reason you came here," I said.

Paul nodded. "I wanted to talk about earlier."

"Uh that um... That was my fault, I'm sorry about that. Sometimes I just act a little too harsh and-"

"No, it's alright. I should know better than to lie to you," Paul said, "even if it is a white lie."

I sighed, still feeling guilty and cruel. Sometimes I felt like I really could be a bit of a hypocritical prick. It makes me wish that I would become someone else that's completely different. Still, I'm me and me is contracted to live in this house for half a year, and stay with Paul for half a year.

"One day, I really need to tell you what happened," I said, "because right now I just look like some harsh, arrogant bitch that can't just learn to get along with people easily.

Paul took my hand and kissed my knuckles, reassuring me that it'd be alright. "You're not that, Jackie. I think you're an amazing person with your own flaws. Those flaws won't change how I feel about you y'know."

"I need to learn how to let you in. These walls haven't been coming down, and it's gonna hurt us if it doesn't," I said.

"I'll climb over them."