Chapter 25 - Crash

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I sat down on the couch with him, but we weren't snuggled up together or being all cuddly like we usually was. This relationship's future was not looking the brightest, and this talk just signalled what was up ahead even more. It worried me how dark that path seemed to be, but I knew sooner or later this would happen.

This talk could either lead to something good or something terrible. Just one wrong thing, and we might even be done after this. Really, we should have been done when I found out about his disloyalty, but I just couldn't get myself to do it. He was just so special to me, and we had something so amazing together, and I wasn't ready to let it go.

I knew it made me seem weak and easily manipulated, I was fully aware of all that. Even I kept telling myself I could be doing better if I just dumped him already, but I just didn't know how. In fact, I have never been the one to end a relationship, I was just used to being the heartbroken one.

He cleared his throat as he stared at me, and I didn't know whether that was an indication for me or for him to talk. I waited a few seconds to see if he'd say anything, to which he did.

"You found out," was all he said.

Suddenly, I felt this anger rise from the pit of my stomach. How dare he think like that, like I wasn't meant to and shouldn't have found out. It made me furious that he thought it was okay to think he could get away with something like this. Now I wish I had broken it off earlier.

"Yeah? I found out, and I'm not happy," I said, crossing my arms and leaning on the couch.

He pressed his lips together, and looked down at the couch, started to fiddle around with his fingers. "I didn't want you to find out about it, it's just that I-"

"That you what?" I suddenly snapped. It just brought back that irritation I had for him when we had first moved in together. "You cheated, you disloyal arsehole! Don't try and explain it any other way."

"Jackie, please listen," Paul said softly, placing his hand on my shoulder. I pulled my shoulder away. "I don't know why I did it, and I don't wanna make any excuses for it. I'm sorry for doing it, and I know how bad of a partner I am for that."

I sighed, starting to feel conflicted. "Well at least you can admit it," I said. "You know how this type of stuff makes me feel. I just don't know what to do, Paul. I really really care about you. I love you, but this... It just won't work out like that."

"Please, darling, I wanna do better. Surely we can put this behind us and-"

"We can't!" I snapped again. My temper was getting shorter and started getting the best of me. It was something that hadn't been this short in a while. I remember how terrible it used to be and how impatient I was. "I don't know if we can, Paul, it's just too hard. We might never be the same anymore."

"And that's okay. We can be stronger, y'know, we can make it. It can all be-"

"Alright? If you think it'll be alright, then I question who you really are. Have you been fooling me this whole time, and trying to toy with me?" I asked.

"You know I wouldn't do that," Paul said, getting defensive. "How could you even think that I wanted to play with your heart? I really do care about you Jackie, I never faked anything."

I looked up at him, as I leaned over and held my hands together. My eyes were ready to water with frustration and stress. It hurts that our relationship had hit a point like this, I never wanted it to. I never thought it would happen either.

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