13 Deaths

Poisoned

-POISONED-

 Albums with photos. Yes, we children of the nineties have those cool stuff. Mobile phones can't replace the smell of new photos and an excitement when you take them and see them for the first time, it's a very exciting moment. I'm opening an album. In this picture I'm a baby, my father is holding me. During my childhood, he repeated the melody he was singing to me, told me that I loved listening to the radio as a baby and that I spoke my first words listening to the speaker on the radio. In the meantime, I opened a box of sedatives and I took one, watering it with a sip of brandy.

 It seems that from the cradle to the grave is really the most beautiful in the cradle, you are not aware of your existence. You become a child. I turn around the album and watch the newborn become bigger and turns into the previously mentioned child. Another sedative, two sips of brandy.

 Here are my barbies, my best friends! I'm looking at the toys in the picture and I recognize the majority, wondering where these others have gone. I played with them nicely, for hours I would sit on the floor and make my own game, my own story ... So much imagination was in me. Two sedatives slid down my throat.

 In a room that we haven't used back then stood a wardrobe, they kept the notebooks in the upper drawer to have when I go to kindergarten. I wanted to draw in them, which I practiced for years, becoming better. It was the beginning of my drawing skill.

 Like most children of the nineties I was also interested in playing Super Mario and similar games. Although I later played games on a computer nothing can be compared to that old console. The nowadays technology is too advanced. Even my first phone was "a brick" as they called old phones, "Panasonic" brand. I got the phone in the fifth grade, after many had a phone with a camera, but it was very dear to me because it was my first phone. Every new phone brought the same excitement and my creativity got a new dimension when I got the phone with the camera. I was recording the videos often, it was very fun. It's a pity is that I can not make such fun videos anymore. Two more sedatives, one sip of brandy.

 I recorded demos of my songs, it was more interesting to create music on that way. Brother (cousin) and I had the same phones, we would share new songs which we would record through the speakers, or the pictures we had. We played beautifully, it is a shame that growing up divides people. We would play for hours, we didn't care what the other one had - it didn't matter. It was important that we are together and have a good time, whether it was making a playhouse in the backyard or making pastries (in which we, by the way, forgot to add salt!), and even my attempts to play football. There was a lot of laughter. Now I probably wouldn't have been able to endure so much laughter. I open a bottle of wine and drank two sips, adding another pill.

 Every moment in the imagination was filled with satisfaction, I didn't want the cruelty of the world to interfere with it. It did later, but at least for a while I kept it away from my world. Seeing a picture of this beautiful flower I imagined I was a superhero of the same name, that I am someone who is important to this world and can save people. I let others in that fantasy, but others always ruin everything with their interfering. I am still that person in my thoughts, only I realized that my powers are smaller, but nevertheless they can save somebody. Unfortunately, not me. Another wine sip, one sedative.

 I brought life to my dolls and in return I got many friends because they remember what you do for them, as long as you know it yourself. They are all what you want them to be. They cheer me up when the others destroyed me, they gave me the feeling that I'm worth . What a shame that all has disappear with the time, so does the feeling of value. With them my creativity has become something completely new and amazing. I never realized where it all came from, only the new artwork would appear in my thoughts, it was mine to preserve it.

 My creativity got better when I went to high school - the peace that this place possessed was very stimulating. I would have gone earlier and, sitting in some corner, I would write or draw in the notebooks that I would always carry with me. Those moments of solitude were more dear to me than all the celebrations I was at, they helped me to find my core. Lonely  spacious corridors covered with light enough to inspire. Outside was a forest - the school was in the middle of a forest, framed with a hill and a vineyard on one and a trees on the other side. Real paradise for an artist like me.

 I take two more pills, a sip of wine and a sip of brandy.

 With ten pills in my system and nine sips of alcohol I was already lost so much so that my thoughts got dizzy. I remembered another thing that brought pleasure to me- not love, it was only a temporary excitement, and then the pain, but my home. I miss my house more than anything, I know that I can no longer come back there and that I will never again see it. They brought me into that house as a baby of a few days, three days before the end of the year, I came out from it when I was the nineteenth. The last time I was in it when we moved out, taking a dog and a cat who was sleeping beside my dear pet we had to leave there. The bastards grabbed what we couldn't take away, the cats went away, the trees we cared about were cut down.

 Everything is gone, the time stopped. I'm leaving the album and, with a bunch of memories of a home that I don't have anymore, drank a few more sips of brandy and wine, and then one by one of the remaining twenty pills from the box. I dropped my head on the pillow and for the last time dreamed of my house, hoping that I would see it again, that everything was just a nightmare and that I was still her inhabitant, the first child of that house which my father made alone with struggle ...

 Two days later, they made my last move. My body was moved three meters below the ground.