Camilla

twenty-three

C A M I L L A

"My mom first started doing drugs when I was ten years old. It was right after my dad had died. He'd been out with friends and they had all been drinking- except him. This was proven later.  So he was, we assumed, the DD. I don't know how it happened; maybe he was distracted or maybe it was too loud. I don't know. What I do know is, he didn't turn where he was supposed to,  and he drove straight through the railing. The car went down the hill until it hit a tree pretty close to the bottom. It killed him and three of the other guys in there on impact. The guy that did live- Tyler- killed himself a few months later."

I'm too aware that I am crying, that Gilligan and his parents are listening to me speak with an intensity that makes it hard to breathe. Taylor had come to get Mae so she wouldn't have to listen to all this, and I wasn't going to just half-ass this story now. Someone is listening. People care as of this moment.

"So, as I said, my mom spiraled. She lost her job as a nurse when the heroin and meth started catching up to her. The only thing she could get was a job as a stripper at this run down place on the wrong side of town.

"She ended up getting pregnant. I don't know if she was raped or if someone fucking paid her or what- but she didn't stop using. We almost lost Mae twice, but she was born premature and just as addicted as my mother. Because of that, she was in the hospital for a long time. She had to have surgery once because her heart was failing.

"My mom didn't give two shits about Mae, not once. She didn't even name her- I did. To her, Mae was just another mouth to feed. So I decided to try and do something about it. When Mae turned one, I was a Sophomore. This kid named Daniel, who was a senior at the time, helped me out. He took me down to this abandoned building and taught me how to fight for cash. I make enough to pay our bills and for groceries and a little extra for if Mae decides to go to college. I've been street fighting since then.

"Before I met Taylor, Daniel would watch Mae. He loved her just as much as I did. But then I did meet Taylor, and I wouldn't have to take Mae down to watch me either kick some ass or get my ass kicked. Soon enough, though, I was undefeated.

"Eventually, the drugs got even worse. Before, my mother just pretended Mae and I didn't exist. But then, she ended up punching me or kicking me. I always kept Mae out of the way. I didn't want her to end up all bruised and battered like I constantly found myself, whether it was because of Mom or the people I made money off of.

"When Mae started walking, it got harder to keep her away from my mom. I used to just put her down in my room and let her play with her toys if I was cooking or showering or whatever. But there was this one time," I stop to take a deep breath and to wipe my eyes. "There was this one time when I was in the shower and I heard my mother scream. 'Get away, you grimy bitch!' were her words. And then there was a loud crash and the sound of Mae screaming bloody murder. I ran out of the bathroom so fast, shampoo in my hair. I didn't turn the water off because I was so scared. I didn't even think to put a robe on.

"When I got out there, Mae was laying on the floor by the wall, a picture on the ground next to her, the glass shattered. Mom said she'd been playing with one of the pill bottles that had been left on the table. That pissed her off so bad that she fucking threw Mae against the wall." I look over at Sophie with pleading eyes. "You have to believe me. I did everything I could to keep Mae away from Mom. After that, instead of leaving her out when I would go to the bathroom I'd take her with me. When I cooked, I'd carry her around while I made dinner. I always kept her with me, and when I was at school, Daniel was watching her. Until this year when she started Preschool. Now she's either with me or with Taylor. And now you guys."

"So how'd she get hit?" This came from Sophie. She has tears in her eyes and her voice cracks multiple times in that short sentence. Her tone isn't accusing, just worried and confused.

"It was in the morning. Usually, Mom is passed out in her room, but this time she was trying to sleep on the couch. I told Mae to get ready in her room while I made her lunch, but Mae wanted to sit on the couch to put her shoes on. When she asked my mom, she was punched so fucking hard she knocked over the coffee table and broke a vase. My mom didn't give two shits. She just left, after telling me to fuck off for going to help Mae."

I didn't want to look at Gilligan. I didn't want to see the pity that would be floating in his eyes. I keep my eyes trained on Sophie instead, where there was sympathy. That was much more bearable than pity.

"Oh, sweetie," Sophie says, sliding closer to me and wrapping me up in a hug. I put my arms around her as well. It's been so long since someone besides Taylor or Mae has hugged me. Eight years, to be exact. "How come you never got help?"

She pulls away to look at me with teary eyes. "I can't lose Mae. I'm only seventeen. If I report my mom to the police, a lot of shit will go down. Mom would be taken away, and then Mae would be too since I don't have an actual credible source of income. Never mind the fact that they'd definitely find out about my street fighting, and I'd end up going to juvie for the next few months. There's a chance I'd never see Mae again. And she needs me just as much as I need her."

Now, Logan, Gilligan's father, speaks up.

"I think I can help you out."