Camilla

twenty-five

C A M I L L A

After I've thanked Gilligan's parents multiple times, I decide that I should probably go to get Mae back from Taylor. Gilligan told he'd walk me out, and I knew it was because he wanted to talk about what had happened over the past two hours.

We sit in my car, not saying anything for a while.

After  ten minutes, he speaks up. "You could have trusted me, you know."

I reach over the center console and find Gilligan's hand, holding it tightly in mine. I don't want to cry again. "I know, Gillie. But it's so hard to tell people what's-"

"Why?"

A tear falls out of my eye and I wipe it away quickly with my free hand. "It's like- like a weakness. Not a lot of people would be able to do anything about it anyway, without ripping Mae away from me. And so I settled for telling no one. But Taylor and Daniel, of course. Instead, I resorted for glaring at them, or even starting fights with them. That way, they won't even want to get close to me."

I see Gilligan turn his head to look at me, and I copy his action.

"You're so strong, Camilla."

I laugh at him humorlessly. "If I was strong, I would have told someone about my mother a long time ago, even if it did cost me Mae."

"That's not true."

I shrug, not believing him. "I don't know."

Gilligan can tell from my tone of voice that I don't want to discuss how strong or weak I am anymore, so he lets it drop.

We're still facing each other, and his brown eyes are just staring into mine, saying something I can't decipher.

His eyes flicker down to my lips and then back up, and then he slowly starts leaning closer.

"Wait," I back up. "What are you doing?"

Gilligan stops, and then just looks at me like I was crazy. His cheeks turn a deep red.  "I thought you liked me," he says, tilting his head to the side. 

I sigh. "I do. A lot. That's why I don't want you to kiss me. I mean, you can't just do that to a girl unless it means something to you, too."

Gilligan looks at me for a moment, dumbfounded, before laughing. "You're such a dumbass."

"Hey, you don't have to be rude!" I punch him in the stomach. It's solid, but light for the hits I usually deliver. I'm more thankful than I will ever admit for him moving on from the whole evening- for not saying anything more about her. 

"No, I didn't mean it like that," he replies, still laughing lightly. "I meant it as more of a how-could-you-not-tell-from-me-trying-to-kiss-you-that-I-like-you kind of way."

I feel my mouth open and then close again. I probably look like a fucking fish. "Oh."

"Yeah," Gilligan grin. "So if I lean in to kiss you, are you going to move away again?"

I roll my eyes, not hesitating to lean over the console and kiss him with everything I feel.

Everything, which, as fucking scary as it was, was starting to edge closer to Love than Like.

But I'm not going to fight it anymore. He didn't run away from the worst and most terrible thing about my life. He stayed. 

Gilligan kisses me back with the same amount of force. When it feels like I can't breathe, though, I pull away, leaning back into my seat with a deep breath. I pull my knees up to my chest to try to hide the blush that's forming on my cheeks. No way in Hell do I want him knowing that he made my face turn red. 

"Damn," I hear Gill say. "What are you doing to me?" And it's the most cliche' thing ever, but it just sounds and feels so right. 

I look over at him from behind my knees. Naturally I respond with how I feel, no matter how cheesy it is. "I hope it's the same thing you're doing to me."

He winks at me teasingly. "Does this mean we're dating now?"

I scoff, reaching over him to open the passenger side door. "That is not the right way to ask a girl out."

He sighs and starts climbing out of the car. "Fine. But when I do, it's going to be fucking amazing."

I shrug. "Whatever you say, Dashner."

He laughs and blows me a kiss. "Goodnight, Cami."

"Goodnight, Gillie."