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I stumbled over my feet as Bobby propped me up with his arm, he had been overly helpful after I'd drank one too many and was steadying me through the door.
"Whys yous being all helpful n shit?" I slurred with a giggle, my throat felt like it was on fire and truthfully I had no idea what I'd been drinking "who told yous to be my dad?"
"DJ told me to look after you now stop being a baby and hold your own weight" he joked leading my way to my room.
As soon as I heard her name my eyes sprung open and I looked at him with hopeful eyes.
"Dilly came?" I asked in disbelief and I swear I heard him scoff at the nickname, I only let it slip because I was drunk usually I would've only bullied her with it to her face.
Bobby nodded as he pushed me backwards onto the bed, i starfished out and stared up to the ceiling as it spun and my head turned wavey.
"Is she gon' come round now?" I asked him thinking back to the last time I'd begged Jc to call her to come over.
Damn, how many times have I been fucked up?
"Dude I don't think she's good herself" the seriousness in Bobbys voice scared me and I looked at him with a scowl.
Had she drank too? Maybe she was drunk like me? Maybe we were a couple of drunk besties. Not a couple. No. A couple of besties. Besties. My best friend.
"When your sober your ass better check on her" he said slapping my shoulder before disappearing out the room.
But I wasn't satisfied enough with going to sleep.
Only smashing one glass on my bedside, I was able to stumble to my bathroom without completely blitzing my room.
I squinted my eyes and stared at the mirror and at the guy who was in it. I ruffled my hair and so did the reflection and I found myself chuckling at it.
My eyes then trailed from my messy hair to my neck where one prominent hickey remained and my face dropped. Something about it made me feel sad, like a void had just been opened in my heart and nothing was going to close it.
Shit, I needed to sleep.
I splashed myself with some water to try and sober myself up mainly because my subconsciousness was panicking about Dillon more than i realised.
Swaying back into my room my eyes pinned upon something sat upon my desk and before I knew it I had ahold of it against my chest like it was my most prized possession.
Dillon's laptop.
I wondered why she had left it there and any realistic logic went out of the window and my first thought was,
Maybe she wanted me to have it.
That was definitely a stupid idea but I found myself placing it upon my lap and opening the lid. It took me a few minutes for my blurred eyes to adjust to the brightness of the screen.
Dillon's profile picture was of me and her, she was squishing my cheeks and had her lips firmly placed against my cheek. A photo that emanated pure happiness.
I stared at the password bar as it flickered and wondered whether it was wrong to be breaking into her personal life.
I didn't even know what I was looking for.
"Fuck it" I mumbled typing in 090295KI with little hesitation before it fully allowed me into her laptop.
I felt guilty for a few seconds before a happiness over took my body as her desktop displayed a group picture that she had original refused to be in but I'd wrapped my whole body around her in a tight hug so she had no other option.
I stared blankly at the laptop wondering what the fuck I was doing until I decided that snooping was wrong and resorted to getting rid of her notifications.
That's when I accidentally pressed upon an opened tab, at first I was tempted to cross it off but the pages were filled with masses of words. The amount actually shocked me that much that my mouth slightly parted.
"Don't read it you douche" I said to myself rubbing my eyes to stop myself from scanning the words but it was so hard and so through my fingers I peaked.
I thought things were getting better, but they weren't and now I know I was just being naive. Everything hurts, everything's raw like it happened yesterday. The daily struggle of trying to ignore any of it and to forget that any of it happened is near to impossible. I'm trying- I'm faking. I wish for it to all end, for the pain to be ripped away like a bandaid, for me to be ripped away from here. Sorry. -DJ//04.04.19
I didn't notice that I was fully in tears until I could taste the salt upon the corners of my downturned lips, my chest heaving as I covered my face and sobbed some more.
I honestly felt like my whole world was crashing down upon me, the air becoming hard to swallow as I choked on my cries.
She was struggling, badly, and I couldn't even see that.
I was supposed to be her best friend, she was supposed to tell me everything and instead she had resorted to typing her thoughts into a document instead of speaking them to me.
"Fucking idiot"
I smashed my knuckles into the wall and grunted at the pain but no one came running.
Dillon was usually there for me, so much so that I had neglected to be there for her.
The guilt eating away at my quickly approaching sober head. I placed the laptop back where she had left it and let out another low growl.
I was conflicted because how was I supposed to speak to her about anything without her knowing that I'd snooped through her computer?
As I laid in bed, my fingers knitted in my hair, I wondered what had happened to her and every scenario I created caused me to get more and more angry.
Whoever or whatever had hurt my Dillon, was going to pay.
