Partner in crime-liskook

7- no feelings

I laid there in his bed, dry tears on my face. I really needed a cup of water. What is taking him so long?

As if he heard me, he came through the door with water and what looks like pain killers.

He didn't say anything, just looked at me like I was a dead soul, which I kind of looked like. What if I lost control completely? I mean, I had a gun on me, I kept shooting. What if I shot him?

He sat down on the bed besides where I was laying. I didn't dare to look at him pity me like this. I'm broken. But no one else has to know that.

"Hey.. take these. It is some kind of anti stress/pain killers shit. It may help you," He said as he held the cup and pills for me to take.

"I'm fine, I don't need that," I said. It's true, I never wanted him to see me like this. I feel so embarrassed. I'm humiliated. I'm not usually weak like this, I don't know why I'm so emotional lately.

"Lisa, please just take it," he said and basically pushed the pills into my mouth. I swallowed it down with the water and put the glass aside.

"What happened?" He asked while he took of his shoes.

"Don't sweat it, it's nothing," I said.
This is the worst feeling ever. I want to tell him. I want him to comfort me and make it all okay, but what if he thinks I'm crazy or a fool. I've never told anyone about this, the ones who knows are bambam and him only. He saved me. He is still in Thailand. He was the only one close to me there, like a brother to me.

"Lali, please tell me. This was not just nothing. You had a major panic attack. I'm here to help. I won't ever judge your pain. Just tell me and I can help you," He said as he stroked my hair again.

He makes it okay by just being here. He calmed my nerves, and makes me feel safe.

"I-I got shot. And, and, and-" I couldn't  find the words.

I broke down again, he pulled me on top of his lap. I was straddling him. He leaned his back against the head board while he kept his arms tight around me. I cuddled my head in the crook of his neck while he calmed me down again.

"You got shot? How?" He asked carefully.

"I was walking home from my friends house. I was in a foster care because my mom and dad died years ago. It was dark and I was all alone. When 3 men walked up to me. They weren't the ones you read about, they were all dressed in expensive suits, looking rich. They dragged me to a corner that no one could see. And—"

I had trouble saying it out loud, I've tried to forget about it. Jungkook seemed to understand how hard it was for me to say it.

"It's okay Lisa. Take your time," he said.

I was speaking into his neck, so that only he could hear my broken words.

"And they undressed me, 3 men used me. I was helpless, but they couldn't do it properly like they wanted to. I kept fighting, wiggling my body. They got angry about it and one of the men had a gun. He screamed at me to stop fighting them, but I didn't, I was too scared to stop. He shot me."

JK POV

I can't believe it. I've seen a lot of awful things in my life. I've heard stories like this before too, but this is Lisa. This girl that I shouldn't really care for, but somehow I can't help it. She's so pure. She's too pure and innocent to be living a life like this. What we do is dangerous, she will have to kill people now and I don't know if she can do it. There is no way that we can fight North Korea's brainwashed people without killing some of them. I need to train her hard.

I need to train her to be a murderer. But not with a gun.

She became quiet, resting her body on me. She is so little on my lap, I find it cute.

I can't kiss her again, it would ruin everything. We can't have that kind of relationship. All I can do is to comfort her. Nothing more.

"Where did he shoot?"

"He missed. It hit me right besides my heart," she said. "I thought I was dying, it felt like it. They ran away from me and I fell to the ground eyes wide open seeing the light. I saw my mom and dad. They smiled at me, but then the lights turned off. I didn't die, which I was sad over because I'm that moment all I could think about was dying."

"Is that why you never target the heart? You want the bad guys to feel the same feeling about dying." I understood completely now. She's so smart. Her knife skills are amazing, I mean who can throw a knife and make it stab right besides? Then she tortured the guy with stabs all over his body. It's worse than killing.

"Yes, but I won't ever kill the person. When they are healed, they have their life back. Like I said, life is too precious."

Life is too precious... I wish that was true. I'm not afraid of dying, cause I know my job will eventually get me killed, maybe even this mission. This is the hardest one yet, I'm prepared for the worst this time. I love what I do, I live for the danger, but does she do the same? I want to ask her so many questions, but now is not the time.

"You should get some rest, ok?" I said to her. I need to be more cold towards her. There is no way I'm going to catch anything of feelings towards her. I care for her, yes, but That's all. I don't know why I kissed her, it shouldn't ever had happened.

"Yeah.." was all she said.

"Well you can just sleep here tonight, I have some more work to do, I'll see you in the morning," I said as I walked to the door.

She seemed upset at what I said, but we can't do this. I can't just sleep in the same bed with her. I can't let myself feel anything more than I already do.

LISA POV

He went cold again, leaving me there in his room. I don't blame him, we can't fall for each other. I hope that whatever I'm feeling towards him now, will fade away soon. We are nothing more than just work partners.

I didn't even want this life, he clearly likes what he does. I have to admit tho, I like the feeling of seeing bad criminals in pain that I caused. Maybe that sounds crazy, but maybe it's also just human.

This is the only way for me to get revenge for the sake of my parents.