Kingdom Dawning

Chapter Three

It's been two days since they asked me to join. I thought I would feel fine. As if this would all blow over, and my life would start up as it left off, but no, apparently life doesn't work like that. We were still in Certax's mansion, Leillan had barely said a word to me, and more than half the colony was destroyed. The longer time went past, the more I thought about the offer Leillan made me. Ever since I denied the proposal to make a change, join the rebellion. I've felt nothing but guilt. Though what could I have done? I'm a maid who can't read. I was not a risk taker. How could I be when it was not just my life in my hands, but also my family's Certax was supposed to be coming home by weeks end which meant we had to leave before then. The more we looked for a place to call back the more the guilt ate at me. So many people would go homeless, so many lost everything. I refused to do anything when asked to change the future.
I would walk the streets only to see so many people with absolutely nothing: no family, home, work, or even suitable clothing. There was one girl who had to be barely older than me who sat on the street my house used to be. She used to beg for money or food, anything to get through the day. Soon she realized she was not the only one who was struggling to survive. There was not enough food in left to feed all of those who lost it all in the fires. And those who did have food were too scared to share any of it. We were all trying to grip at anything to try and make it. She stopped begging and one day she just..disappeared. I sometimes missed seeing her. Her complexion was a bit lighter than Harmony's, and her hair was done in intricate braids that I was amazed at. I remember the way her eyes were like bright embers. When she left I almost felt like looking for her. She couldn't have left the colony since no one leaves the colony. So where had she gone?

 I left most of the 'house' hunting to my mother. She seemed like the only one who was happy with my decision not to join the rebellion. We talked after that night. She told me that she wanted me safe and being thrown into a growing rebel group may lead me places I don't want to go. I had a very present need to change my decision. To join the revolution and fight for a cause instead of hiding like a coward.

 Girls in our colony were meant to be timid and meek. Do nothing when things got bad. Speaking your mind was completely frowned upon. I always knew nothing more than that. I always felt this itching, yearning feeling in the back of my mind to defend myself whenever I was treated unjustly. I wanted to run up to a man when I saw them yelling at their wives for no reason and tell him how much of a moron he truly was. I always craved the feeling of change. Then my opportunity came on a silver platter, and I turned it away. Now the itching came over me even more intensely and the yearning almost hurt. I used my family to excuse my cowardice. 

I slammed my head against a pink pillow and yelled.

"Hey, everything okay there cycy" without even lifting my head I knew who it was. 

"Quillian, can't I just be left alone in solitude?" I groaned out. Quilian looked almost precisely like leillan except he kept his hair short and was slightly taller than her. Quilian looked at me with a small smirk on his face yet I could see the concern in his eye and by how tense his body looked. 

"What do you think about you know... the rebellion?" Were we even supposed to talk about it? Just whispering about it to him felt wrong. Quillian shifted his position, so he was leaning against the white door frame. The border around the structure was a beautiful carefully painted string of swirling roses that lead to up to the high ceilings. The ceilings were made of dark wood that felt like it almost didn't fit with the light pink walls that surrounded us. 

"I believe when you make the right decision you shouldn't have any regrets" He tried to make eye contact with me but I averted my gaze, looking out the large window. It overlooked our now crumbling colony. His words seemed to hit me harder than he meant them too.