Is This Crack? (Naruto CRACK Fanfic)

6. Naruto Messed Up

"You do know that literally, you're an absolute idiot, right?"

Naruto rolled his eyes and kicked a stone on the ground, watching and wincing as it hit someone's shin. He innocently whistled and looked away, hands shoved in his pockets.

"I'm not though! Kurama, that's super rude, I thought you were a good lil' fox now." He chuckled to himself.

"Good? Little?" Kurama scoffed, "You are sorely mistaken. I just go along with what you want because the alternative is too boring."

Naruto had fucked up. He knew it. Kurama knew it. The only problem was that no one else knew it. But to be fair, it wasn't intentional, so shouldn't he be let off-?

"NO!" Kurama snapped. "I like Ino, she's not as useless as Sakura is." He rolled his eyes. "So you have to tell her that you accidentally burned down her flower shop otherwise the truth will come out somehow and then you'll never be friends with her EVER AGAIN."

Naruto shrugged and muttered to himself, "Ino's cool and all but I'm not that close with her. Why should I?"

"Because-" Kurama sighed, "-You selfish puny human brat, you could finally not be a virgin. Plus, the Yamanaka's are strong and cool, and blonde. You'd make a cute couple."

Naruto paused and scowled. "Are you feeling okay, big guy?"

His long time friend really wasn't making much sense. He had never heard Kurama even mention Ino before, but suddenly he was meant to apologise and own up to BURNING the Yamanaka family flower store? Nuh uh.

Kurama grunted. "Uh huh. Shut up and do as I say."

"Why?"

"Trust me."

Naruto frowned and then signed in exasperation, he turned quickly around, following the confused masses who were running towards the large fire.

"Ninjas, huh? Can't even put out a fire quickly?" The Kyuubi drawled sarcastically, truly amused by the screaming and shouting from the civilians. "Civilians are useless, we should kill them."

Naruto blanched, "We aren't going to kill the civilians!"

A man standing next to Naruto turned and looked at him in horror. Naruto then realised that he shouted that. Out loud. In front of civilians.

They definitely thought now that Naruto was the Kyuubi incarnate again. Oh kami...

Kurama chuckled inside Naruto's mind and the Uzumaki stomped away from the groups of people and instead noticed Ino standing, staring up at her store, tears sliding down her cheeks.

Naruto awkwardly pat her shoulder. "Hey..."

Ino quickly wiped her tears away and cleared her throat. "Hey, Naruto, how are ya doing?"

Naruto pursed his lips together. "Fine." They looked back up at the fire in silence. "Do you have insurance?"

Ino hummed. "Yeah, just sucks," she shook her head, "It was just so random, maybe a fuse burst or there was a gas leak."

"Maybe," He took a deep breath to explain to her what happened. "Or maybe-"

"Come on, tell her." Kurama whispered in his mind.

Ino turned with a questioning look, "Maybe?"

"Almost there kit, you'll feel so much better once she knows."

"I mean..." Naruto started.

"It'll be like a weight off your shoulders-"

"-I saw Deidara." Naruto flinched, "Um, yeah, I saw Deidara." He fumbled and said instead.

"...What?"

Ino gasped, "What?!"

Naruto fervently nodded. "Yeah! I think it was Deidara, I saw him on his-" he waved his hands around and motioned to the air in a circular motion, "-massive bird! And he makes things explode and catch fire right?" Naruto shrugged innocently, "Must have been him."

"WHAT?"

Ino started crying again and then clenched her fist, there was some silence where Naruto thought that, shit, he was caught, the Yamanaka's are mind readers, or whatever, right? So of course she can figure out that he's lying-

"I'M GONNA KILL THAT LOOK ALIKE BASTARD!" Ino screeched and kicked a wall, there was a massive hole where she hit.

Naruto gulped as he saw what could have become of him. Ino... was strong.

Sighing awkwardly, Naruto pat her shoulder again. "I'm just sorry it was the store that he destroyed." He smiled shakily, "I'll help you catch him."

Ino growled, "Thanks for telling me this, Naruto, you're a great friend." She spun around and stomped to her parents, yelling at them that they needed to send out a search party so they could track down Deidara and kill and mutilate him.

"What the fuck did you do."

Naruto stood motionless with a fake smile plastered on his face. "I'm going straight to hell."

"Not if I kill you first." Kyuubi growled.

Naruto waved at Inoichi with a horrified smile on his lips, when Ino pointed to him, clearly explaining what she just discovered.

"What have I done..." Naruto asked himself, "I'm so sorry Deidara."

"You absolute pussy."

Somewhere in the Akatsuki's dark hideout, a blond pyromaniac man sneezed.