Is This Crack? (Naruto CRACK Fanfic)

8. Itachi & The Akatsuki

Itachi Uchiha stared at the wall in silent thought, tapping his fingers on the dinner table. He was surrounded by screaming and yelling S-Rank ninjas.

"Get that vile green shit the fuck away from me!" Hidan tensed and took multiple steps away from the blond bomber.

"It's just a cabbage, yeah! Why do you hate vegetables so much?!"

The Akatsuki were an organisation created to gather the Jinchuuriki in order to change the world, well, more specifically, Pain wanted to capture the Tailed Beasts and use them to destroy the Five Shinobi Nations.

Itachi warily eyed Obito, who was wearing his Tobi mask, and sighed at the thought of him actually succeeding with his Moon's Eye plan. That wouldn't be good.

"But I don't know how to make noodles!"

"Tobi will make them!" He happily hummed. "Because Tobi is a good boy, hehe."

The members of the Akatsuki had joined for different reasons; Hidan wanted to kill people for Jashin, Deidara was forced to join, Kisame already had connections so joined out of boredom, Konan always stuck with Pain, Kakuzu's motivation was probably money. Sasori... who knows? Itachi was there just to keep an eye on them, and prevent any attacks on Konoha.

Itachi leaned backwards and watched as a pot was thrown across the room. It smashed into little pieces as it hit the stone wall, the shards were definitely going to injure someone later.

Sighing again, Itachi stood up and sulkily took the dustpan and brush out from the cupboard. He bent down and started cleaning it up.

"You alright 'tachi?" Kisame drawled, head being supported by the palm of his hand.

Itachi pressed his lips together in an attempt to stop himself from crying. "Hn."

Honestly, what did he get himself into?

Throwing the shards into the bin, Itachi sat back down in his original seat and laced his fingers together in front of him.

"Shit, I fucking hate cabbages. DEIDARA! Get the fuck away from me!"

"Sit down and suck it up." Pain rolled his eyes.

Itachi actually really liked cabbages, and had a distaste for steak or any kind of rare meat. It was his turn to request dinner, so naturally he asked for cabbage soup. It was healthy, full of vitamins and he wanted the rest of the members to enjoy his favourite meal. However, he should have realised that, that would not happen.

"They did this when I asked for crab cakes." Kisame deadpanned. "Kakuzu brought me shark-fin soup instead," He shot the second immortal member a glare, "What kind of monster would do that?"

Itachi shrugged, remembering the incident. That was definitely an eventful day.

Konan's eye twitched. "Sit the fuck down. Shut the fuck up."

All of the male members of the Akatsuki suddenly froze. There was a brief moment of silence until Hidan cleared his throat and pulled a chair back, sitting on it obediently with his hands on his lap.

Itachi smiled at Konan as a thanks. Konan nodded and motioned for Deidara to finish serving each portion.

"Must be that time of month..." Hidan muttered.

Konan shot him a glare until Kisame slapped a hand over Hidan's mouth, laughing awkwardly and assuring her that their foul-mouthed member was only joking.

Sasori raised a brow and glanced at the meal. "Brat, are you sure this is edible?"

Flicking his fringe away from his face, Deidara huffed. "Sasori-danna, it's amazing, I already tried it, yeah."

Sasori grimaced at the bowl, while Konan gingerly picked up her spoon. "Thank you, Deidara."

"It's gotta be good, a little bitch made it. Females really do know how to cook." Hidan snorted.

"What was that-?!"

Itachi quietly watched as Deidara flung his bowl, full of soup, at Hidan's head. The immortal man screeched as the scalding hot liquid landed all over his face.

"YOU LITTLE BLOND CUN-"

Somehow, Tobi had tripped and pulled Kisame down with him, who was naturally large, and pulled down the rest of the dinner table with him.

Pain groaned and flicked his hand in Kakuzu's direction - without meaning to, he activated his gravity ability and reacted in horror as Kakuzu was lifted from the ground and slammed onto the wall. Konan gripped her spoon so hard that it snapped.

Yes, Itachi was very loyal to Konoha and would do any kind of mission for his village. He massacred his own clan, for kami's sake. There would be very little which could stop him from completing his mission.

Sasori made a snarky comment which led to Deidara screaming at him that "IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK ART IS, YEAH? I'LL SHOW YOU ART DANNA!"

Itachi blinked and slowly put his head in his hands. Now he really wanted to cry.

There was a large explosion.

Yes, Itachi was very mature, and very loyal to Konoha.

But he was getting real tired of the Akatsuki's bullshit.