Is This Crack? (Naruto CRACK Fanfic)

7. Sasuke's Going Insane

"We are going to start a cult."

Naruto stared incredulously at the raven-haired man. "What?"

Sasuke nodded, "Haven't you been listening to the people all around us? We need them to bless our friendship, so naturally, we must become a cult."

Naruto raised a hand to silence the man, "First of all, there is no one around us." He motioned to the air, they were alone in Sasuke's bedroom - he had gotten his mansion back after being pardoned. "Second of all, why do we need someone to bless us? And how does that correlate to making a cult?"

"Oh, huh, Sensei Uzumaki is a smarty-pants, is he now?" Sasuke mocked sarcastically, "With your big words and your questions."

"Correlate isn't a big word..."

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "Incorrect."

Naruto shook his head, "We really should have gotten you checked out at the hospital, are you alright? Did Orochimaru experiment on you?"

Scoffing, Sasuke replied, "Only a couple of injections here and there, but he said they were vitamins!"

"We aren't going to get married or anything, are we?" Naruto felt a shiver crawl down his spine.

"Fuck no."

"Good." That calmed Naruto, Sasuke actually sounded sane when he denied.

"We're going to bind our souls together." Sasuke quipped.

Oh, never mind. "Right, yeah, of course we are."

Sasuke clapped his hands together and bounced on the bed. "Now, Sachi-san says that we need to hold hands and chant the sacred text-"

"Who the hell is Sachi-san?"

Sighing from the interruption, the young Uchiha then pointed to the window. "The orange-haired woman right there, I know you're dumb, but keep up Naruto."

Naruto hesitantly glanced to the window, there was no one there. Was it just Sasuke being insane, or was there like... a ghost?!

"Hold my hands young Naru." Sasuke shut his eyes and tilted his head upwards.

Naruto shrugged and went with the flow. "Yes, young Sasook."

Sasuke inhaled deeply and shivered, "I feel the energy of my ancestors enveloping my soul," He preached, "By the power invested in me, the friendship and cult of Uzumaki-Uchiha's will reign supreme-"

"This sounds an awful amount like a marriage." Naruto scowled.

"-What kind of marriages do you go to?" Sasuke punched him on the shoulder then hushed him. "As I was saying, we will reign supreme among the weaklings in our world and will prevail through all hardships, I ask that you, our ancestors, bless this union of the powerful Uchiha and Uzumaki clan-" He froze. "-something is wrong."

"What's wrong?" Naruto raised an eyebrow, his hands, which were holding Sasuke's, were starting to nervously sweat.

"They reject the Uzumaki claim, do you have any other clan in you, by blood or by marriage?"

Naruto squinted, "How did you even- Actually, you know what, I don't care." He groaned, "Senju and Namikaze blood."

Sasuke nodded, "Yes, thank you. Please bless this union of the powerful Uchiha, Uzumaki, Namikaze and Senju clans, and watch over us."

After a couple of minutes of silence, Sasuke released the breath he was holding. Naruto felt like he wanted to cry.

"They have blessed us." Sasuke reported back.

Naruto let go of his hands, "Okay... back the fuck up. You do know that no one except us is in this room, right?" He waved his hands around, "You're talking and listening to thin air!"

"Incorrect, I am just the chosen one."

Naruto slapped his hand onto his face, "Shit, we need to get you to the hospital."

"Denied."