Just Hold My Hand

14 - What Now?

Liam shook me from my sleep. As my eyes opened to look out at the world, I saw the sun shining brightly through the window. It was a very big window, much bigger than the one in my bedroom... that isn't my window. This isn't my bed. This isn't even my bedroom. Reality set in, and I remember that I was still in the hospital. The smell of boiled eggs and sickly patients wafted into my nose, and that's when I remembered that I was sick, too. Just like the rest of them. Who knew if I was better or worse.

"Madi, you're being sent home now. You have to wake up." I groaned and slowly sat up, my head pounding and my stomach gurgling.

The hospital food tasted as if something had been cooked, stored in a freezer, heated up, then put back in the freezer, then served to its guest. Needless to say, it was disgusting. But it's all I had, and I was starving. The nurse had unhooked my IV and given me some ibuprofen to ease my headache. Mom stood, leaning against the wall near the door. Her head was tilted back, eyes closed, probably trying to get some well-needed sleep. Who knew how well everyone else slept that night. I bet no one even knew where my brother was. I sighed, not knowing what to say to anyone.

Mom opened her eyes when she heard me. I tried to give her a little smile, I could tell she tried too, but we both knew how much pain the other was in. Liam had left for a moment, maybe he went down to the cafeteria to get something to eat. It seemed like hours before he came back. When he finally did, he came and sat next to me on my bed, I leaned my head against his shoulder and closed my eyes.

At that moment, I wished we could stay this way forever. Just sitting in silence, but being there to comfort one another. Words weren't needed. It was just us. All the noises around us faded into our thoughts and were forgotten. We weren't in a hospital anymore. Married, maybe, and in our newly bought house, sitting for the first time on the new sofa we bought to furnish the living room. In my mind, that's where we were. And I didn't want to leave. Eventually, I had too.

The nurse came back, or who I think was the same nurse. It could have quite possibly been a different one. I wasn't paying attention. She came and informed us that we were all set and checked out, and if we could just get me out of the hospital robe, that would be great. Her voice was cheerful, and I couldn't help but want to slap her in the face. How could she be so upbeat when I just found out I had cancer? I think Liam could tell because he brought his hand up and stroked my hair a couple of times to calm me down.

I got dressed with help from mom, I was still a little wobbly, then we were on our way. During the car ride home I got swept back into my thoughts. A long, happy life with Liam by my side through all the hard, tuff time, and through all the happy, exciting time. But that would never happen. I wasn't going to make it that long. Not long enough for us to have a life together. I knew he couldn't stay in my life, either. When I died it would crush him, and I couldn't let that happen. I had made up my mind already. The cancer was going to consume my brain, and that would destroy the rest of me. I wasn't going to make it. I could only hope that Liam would understand.

We got home, Liam helped me walk up the stairs, then up another flight of stairs to my room. He put me in bed and pulled the covers up. Turning around, he started to leave.

"Wait," I said, in a tone as to not give anything away. He stopped, turning around to look at me. "I love you." I couldn't do it. Not now. Not when he was the only other person besides my mom who actually believed in me. So I had to believe in myself, for him, because I needed him because I loved him.

"I love you, too, Madison Harper." He smiled his charming, loving smile. The smile that I was so lucky to be able to see every day. The smile that would keep me fighting through this cancer.

"Please don't leave me, ever."

"Okay, I won't." With that he came back over, playfully shoving me over so he could get under the covers too.

"Promise?" He turned toward me with a serious face, but his eyes shimmering,

"I promise." I smiled, content, for the first time in what seemed like ages, and closed my eyes, falling back into the dreams about our future that I was still uncertain about. The only difference now was, I had hope.

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Hey loves, I hope you enjoy this somewhat shorter chapter that I finally wrote. The next one should be a bit longer I think, as soon as I decide what it's going to be about. It might be exploring more of everyone's thoughts as they are all going through this huge news. I'm hoping to get more into depth about Madison's brother in the next chapter or two because he's definitely someone I want to keep around for a bit. I have plans for him, but not yet.

Thanks for reading this far, you have no idea how much it means to me <3