FORGIVE ME, MY MATE

Chapter 23

A few days later......

Rose's pov

I woke up that day feeling sad. Today was my parent's death anniversary. After three years I was going to visit their grave and pay my respects. But today along with them I was going to find luna's grave as well. For a minute I thought about Alexander. In our pack there was a special burial ground where the previous aphas and lunas were buried. I never went over there because I there was never a reason to. Yesterday I had even asked Dean if anyone visited the luna's grave on her death anniversary. He said that some people did to pay their respects individually but most didn't because it was just very painful for them. Besides that no one except for the high ranking officials of the pack was allowed to visit without the alpha's permission. But both Alexander and our ex-alpha were in their worst moods that day. But I was free to visit any time because I was the alpha's mate.

That morning I went to my grandparent's place wearing a black dress and knocked on their door. They opened it but didn't say a word. They simply followed me to my parent's graces. We stood there silently for a moment. It was three years since I had visited my parents graves. Before I used to come here all the time and would cry my heart out. I would even talk with them in low whispers telling them my problems and how much I missed them. How angry I was at the moon goddess that she took them away before i could make any real memories with them. I wished they were still here with me. I kneeled down and put a bunch of roses of different colours in front of their graves. Roses were their favourite flowers. It was the reason why they named me, 'Rose'. I started crying again, hysterically. I couldn't stop the tears. That's when a I felt a hand on my shoulder, I turned around and saw my grandparents who had tears in their eyes as well, 'We miss them too honey.' my grandma whispered. Taking her support I stood up still sobbing. I leaned my head on grandma's shoulder while grandpa rubbed a hand on my back to comfort me. 'All they ever wanted was to see you happy rose.' my grandma said. 'And if they see you sad, then wherever they are they will feel sad. They put your life before theirs because they loved you so so much. It will hurt them if they see tears in your eyes.' my grandpa said even if he was crying as well. It must have been 10 times harder for them. To witness their child being buried. After spending some time over there we all left and I dropped them off to their place and gave them some much much needed needed space. It had been 18 or 19 years since they had gone to visit their daughter's grave. I went into my room and just sat on the bed still sobbing just a little bit. I laid my head back and thought about my mom and dad. They wanted me to be safe and happy. I took a deep breath and stopped crying because I knew that up in the heaven they were still watching me. I sighed and closed my eyes.

*Some time later*

I opened my eyes and blinked a couple times. I can't believe I fell asleep. I looked at the watch and saw it 1pm. I got out of the bed to change my clothes and changed into a comfortable hoodie and sweatpants. I didn't feel like going for training today. When I walked into the living room I saw lavender setting the table for lunch. Ever since I had come into the pack I had not gone into the kitchen even if I loved cooking. It reminded me of the old days. 'Rose!' lavender said. 'You are awake. Come and have lunch. We didn't wake you up because we thought you needed some time alone. You didn't even eat breakfast. Please eat the lunch.' I sat down on the chair and and stared at my plate. Soon enough Dean came to have his lunch as well. Lavender went and sat beside him. They both had a serious look on their faces and were eating lunch silently. 'Alexander didn't come?' I asked him. 'No,after we paid respects to luna this morning. He went into training wing and has not left it. Its better if we leave him alone.' Dean said. Soon the gamma and his mate arrived. The old beta arrived as well but the old alpha as well as Alexander were not there. Normally the dinner table was chirpy and everyone would be constantly talking something but today no one spoke a word.
After the lunch everyone went to relax as no one was really in the mood to work today. I went to visit my grandparents again. They seemed okay and also had their lunch. The whole pack seemed solemn as I walked around. I decided to go into the training arena. Alexander had been there for too long but when I went over there it was empty. I thought where he could be and then I suddenly thought of our luna's grave.

I quietly went over there. I had never visited that particular place in my entire life. I saw alexander over there. As I walked upto him I heard sobs. I slowly put my hand on his shoulder and he turned around. His eyes were red and there was a very sad and angry expression on his face but as soon as he looked at me his eyes softened. He hugged me very tightly. It was as if he was scared that I was going to vanish. I rubbed his back and said some consoling words in his ears. We broke the hug aand wiped his tears. I looked at the grave and slowly placed the flowers I had bought on it. I took Alexander's hand and started guiding him towards the pack house. When I looked at him there was a blank expression on his face. He was just simply following me without even thinking. Thankfully there was no one on the way back because most of the people were at their homes. Luna's death anniversary was like an unofficial not working day. Everyone would grieve her death. That's how much loved she was. When we reached the pack house we went straight to his room. 'Alexander, go take a shower.' I said taking some clothes out od his closet and handing them over to him. He simply nodded and went in the bathroom without speaking a word. I sat down on the bad taking a sigh.

This was for the first time I had seen him in such a vulnerable position. When we both met again after three years I just saw his eyes filled with water but today I saw him crying. I couldn't imagine in my wildest dreams that an alpha like him who was feared by nearly everyone in our species had such a soft and vulnerable side to him.

After a while he came out drying his hair with a towel wearing a dark grey t shirt and black sweatpants. When he was gone I had ordered some food for him from the kitchen because he had not eaten anything. 'Alexander, come and eat something. I know you must be starving.' He nodded and came and took the tray in his hands. We both sat down on the couch while i watched him eat. After he was done I handed him a glass of water. He drank it and went and sat on the bed on its edge leaning against the railing. He closed his eyes and seemed to be in deep thought. I just sat over there. Throughout the day my wolf was requesting me to stay by his side as he needed me and when I saw him today on the graveyard I realised that. They always said that a touch from his mate calms down an alpha. I came to know it was true today. I mustered up my courage and walked upto him and put my hand on his shoulder. He opened his eyes and looked at me. I wanted to say a million things to him but couldn't find the exact words. He suddenly took a hold of my hand and pulled me down and made me sit on the bed next to him.

He put his head on my shoulder and said, 'I hear her screams in my dreams rose. Every night. When the attack happened I was just five or six years old. I wanted to follow my mom but she commanded me in her luna voice to stay back at the pack house and lock the door. I hated it. But even from the distance I heard her painful growls. When on her deathbed she made me promise that once I grew up I will to take care of the pack as well love my mate unconditionally. I lost my mother and my angel sister both together.' he said. His voice was sad even if he was not crying anymore. My wolf was howling inside me. It broke our heart to see him like that. He continued,' when I learned that night you were the only survivor and that mom died saving you I stupidly started blaming you for her death and bullied you. When I turned eighteen I was impatient to find to find my mate but when I didn't I started acting even more arrogantly and harshly only to find out three years later that you were the girl I had been waiting for all my life. It was only after you left and I became an alpha did I regain my senses. Today if our pack is attacked I am ready to even die fighting for my pack as long as it is safe.' he said. 'I have repeated it way too many times but I will say it again, I regret our past Rose. When mom died my dad distanced himself from everyone including me. He thought this all happened because he was not a good alpha. So to make better than he was he was more harsher on me and threw himself into work. I knew he cared about me but it was only on rare occasions that if you looked at us you could say that we were a family. The only thing I looked forward to after I was fifteen was my mate. Someone who would love me, nurture me, smile at me and would just make my life a little bit more pleasent because I had just lost all the softness in my life after mom died. And after you left I..... I was afraid you were never coming back. I remembered my mom's words. I had totally failed, as an alpha and also as a mate. People always say all the time there is nothing that I fear in this world, not even death but there is only one thing I am afraid of that is losing you. Afraid that one day you will leave and never come back.' he said and I felt tears in his eyes again. I ran my hand through his hair,'Shhh... Calm down. I am right here right now alexander. Just relax now.' I said. He made me lay down beside him and put his arm around my waist tightly. 'Stay here tonight rose. Please. I need you.' he whispered in my ear. I was a little but surprised. This was for the first time I was so close to him. But I knew that he needed me so I adjusted myself on the bed and eventually fell asleep as well. Next To him. With him holding me.