Gold Heart, Warm Soul

21| Loose ends

My arms were numbed. I could barely lift my arms up with the large amount of gauze wrapped around my arms. I decided to take a nap under a willow tree after the acupuncture. The next event of the ceremony will start later in the day. The breeze was comforting making me drowsy and fast asleep. As the darkness lull me in, dreams come and go.

A five year old me stared back at me with pigtails tied with pink ribbons. She pulled my hand and lead me to a dimension. In the new setting, I stared at the scenes before me like a film. "Brother! Don't leave me. I want to follow you too," a young Ambar said to an equally young Kace who was wearing a black and white uniform. "No, I'm going to school with Titus. You can't come," Kace replied me. "Awww, why? I want to come too," young Ambar said with a pout and stomping her feet on the ground. Mum came into the scene wearing a yellow dress with a younger face that had less wrinkles. "Come on, Ambar. You'll grow up soon and you'll be able to go to school with Kace," she soothes the young Ambar. "Fine, Alright," small Ambar said with a pout still on her childlike face.

The scene changes to a teenage Kace and Titus doing homework in the living room. The front door opens and a middle-schooler Ambar wearing a sailor uniform came into the room. "Kace! Do you know what I got in my maths test!" an excited Ambar asked. "Hmmm, let me guess? You failed your test," teenage Kace teased his younger sister. "Hey! I didn't fail it. Look I got a 100!" younger Ambar boasted proudly to her brother. "When I was your age, I could easily get 100 for all my tests~," teenage Kace said smugly with his eyebrows raised. Titus turns to Kace and smirked while shaking his head. "You're the one who had to ask me to teach you Ecology when you were her age," Titus said taking my side. "Your brother ain't all that smart he said he was."
"Ha! Who are you trying to fool?" the younger Ambar said in a singsong voice.

A following scene came after. This time it was quite blurry. Kace and Ambar was arguing. This time Ambar was a high school student while Kace was a freshmen in college. "No! Listen to me. Don't go to school tomorrow. All of those lower in the hierarchy are going to sabotage you!" Kace said frustratedly. "I'm not a coward, okay! If I don't go, I'll be seen as weak!" teenage Ambar said proving her point. "So what if you're seen as weak? What if your reputation falls? What if you're hurt? Who's going to save you, huh?" Kace questioned me. "I don't need saving okay. I'm a big girl!" teenage Ambar said in a huff. "No, means no! Alright. "

It went dark. Was that the turning point of my dreary life? When did I even come to like Titus? In all the scenes, most of them were with my brother. Was it because Titus had always tagged along with Kace, that I felt an affection like siblings? What happened on that day when I went to high school? I can't remember. Was my first life even real? Or was that all a dream while I was in coma? I can't differentiate reality from dreams anymore. Are my memories substantial?

"Ambar wake up! Hey, wake up!" I was woken up from my sleep. I could barely see a silhouette crouched in front of me. As my vision cleared, I could see Ethan facing me. "Hey, you been asleep for an hour. Your mum's finding for you." I was still half-asleep while he was talking to me. He's blurry image coincided with Titus' image in my mind. Who was the one who saved me during high school. I was pretty sure I went to school that day since I am a very stubborn person. There must also be a reason why I got into the accident last year. Everything was not adding up. By recalling my past life now, I could only remember snippets of my life then. Events before the accident came up to a blank. I could barely remember my childhood memories too. What was happening to me?

"Hey, Ambar! Are you listening to me?" Ethan asked and broke me out of my stupor. "Er- no, erm sorry. Right. I wasn't listening," I said in a dazed as I looked up to him. I tried to stand up and Ethan, being a gentleman he is, gave me a helping hand. "Are you really alright? You seemed very out of it right now," he said with concern as his eyebrows furrowed. "Right I'm fine. Really," I assured him when he looked unconvinced. Once I was steady on my feet, I looked straight at him. "I know this sounds weird, but was there an incident in high school tha- , you know what, it's fine. I can't remember anything," I said stopping my train of thought. If there really was an incident, would Ethan be there? He did graduate from high school a year before me. "Why? What did you remember? ," Ethan asked with his eyes trying to decipher me. "No, no, it's fine. Forget it." I turned and started walking down the slope. Ethan walked behind me and easily caught up to me. I halted suddenly. "Wait, where did you say my mum was again?" With a shake of his head and a sigh. "She's in the tea ceremony hall. You still have one part of the ceremony to finish," Ethan patiently said to me with no trace of frustration. "Right. Sorry. Er, thanks," I fumbled on my words. He smiled gently and patted my head. "Let's go." He held my hand as he led the way.