Living a Lie [Jamilton]

Chapter 13

Trigger warning: mention of wanting to die/deserving to die.

Kind of a plot twist??? Sorry if it's kind of odd I really dislike writing angry scenes.

Thomas' world had come crashing down.

The room was spinning.

He couldn't see straight, couldn't think straight.

It was all too much.

Nonononono

He took a shaking breath, desperately trying to steady himself. Desperately trying to make sense of the situation.

The letter.

Lafayette.

Alex.

Could it be possible that....

Thomas' body stiffened.

He didn't want to believe it. Didn't want to believe that the best news he'd gotten in months was nothing but a lie.

Does this mean that Alex somehow found out?

No. It was impossible. He'd been so careful not to let Alex find out.

What had gone wrong?

"I know your little secret, Thomas." Alex said, slamming the door behind him and stepping forward, standing so close to Thomas that their noses were almost touching.

"I do not know what you mean, mon ami. Thomas Jefferson died in the Revolution in France." Thomas said in Lafayette's accent, not willing to give in and accept the harsh truth.

"Cut the crap, Jefferson. I know what you did."

"You know that I used your toothbrush? I am sorry, mon ami. I forgot mine and I did not want to go around all day with smelly breath."

"Forget about the goddamn toothbrush!" Alex yelled, his face turning red with anger. "And stop speaking in Lafayette's accent. I know the truth."

"Then tell me." Thomas dared, still not dropping the accent.

"Lafayette died in the Revolution. He didn't want me to know so he devised a plan where you put your hair up and pretend to be him. Your plan was to break up with me after a few months so 'Lafayette' could leave my life painlessly with no grief." Alex said, his eyes glowing with malice. "But it failed. Because you love me. You love me and don't want to break up with me. You love me even though you know it's a betrayal of Lafayette."

"Holy shit." Thomas said, finally dropping the fake accent and speaking in his normal voice. "How did you find out?"

"I found your letters to Lafayette. I found them in your drawer."

"Why the fuck were you going through my drawers in the first place?"

"I was looking for the tape."

Thomas was too stunned to speak. The shock had stolen all of the words from him.

"I devised a plan. I wrote you a fake letter pretending to be Lafayette. Knowing you'd believe it, I arranged for us to meet. I arranged a fake meeting to get 'Alex' out of the way so 'Lafayette' could visit."

"You devious little bastard."

Thomas' heart sunk.

"So... does this mean that Lafayette is really dead? He's not hiding somewhere ready to reveal himself to me?"

"No. He's really dead."

Thomas started to cry. Started to sob like a child, his shoulders heaving as tears streamed down his face.

He felt like an idiot for crying, but he couldn't stop himself.

For the past few months, there had always been a glimmer of hope. A glimmer of hope that by some miracle Lafayette was still alive, that one day he would come back alive and healthy and everything would be okay.

But now that hope was shattered forever.

Lafayette was gone.

There was no hope of ever getting him back.

Thomas' heart was breaking.

I love you, Lafayette. If I could give my life for yours I would do it in a heartbeat.

Thomas felt someone's hand on his shoulder. He looked up, startled, to see Alex standing in front of him with his arms around him.

He was crying too.

"I know, Thomas. I miss Laffy too."

"Why did this happen to him? Why do the worst things happen to the best people?"

"I wish I could bring him back. I wish there was anything I could do to bring him back."

Thomas was shocked. He hesitantly put his hand on top of Alex's, his large hand completely covering the immigrant's smaller one.

"A-Are you mad at me? For tricking you?"

Alex looked down at the floor, unable to meet Thomas' eyes.

"I... I don't know. When I first saw those letters, I was furious. I wrote that fake letter because I was angry with you. I thought you were a monster trying to deceive me, trying to use Lafayette's death to your advantage. I thought you were a horrible person who was betraying his dead friend by loving me. The thought of ever loving a monster like you made me sick." Alex sighed. "But seeing how upset you are, seeing how heartbroken you are because of Lafayette's death... it is difficult to stay mad."

"Sometimes I wish it had been me instead. I wish I could have died. My life means nothing. I am a useless person. My presence does nothing for this world. Lafayette meant something, meant so much to so many people. I wish it could have been me instead of him. I deserve to die. Lafayette didn't."

"Thomas..."

"If I could spare his life, if I could trade his life for mine, he'd be standing here right now, and you would smile, and that would be enough."

"Thomas, listen to me." Alex said, looking up at Thomas with those beautiful brown eyes. "Nobody deserves to die. Not Lafayette. Not you. Not anybody. Everybody's life has meaning. Some people just don't realize how much value their life has."

"I'm a horrible person. Lafayette was wonderful. I deserved to die. Not him."

"You're not a horrible person, Thomas." Alex said. "You were willing to spend all this time impersonating Lafayette because he told you to. That's pretty noble if you ask me."

"Alex..."

"If someone asked me to do that I'd say 'ain't nobody got time for that' and throw the letter away. But you didn't. Because you're an amazing friend."

Alex laughed.

"This is so weird. I've been spending time with you for months but this is the first time we've actually met."

"I know. It is strange."

"I like your accent. Where are you from?"

"Virginia."

Alex smiled. "I have no idea where that is."

"It's down south."

"Oh, like John Laurens."

"John Laurens is from South Carolina?"

"Is that near Virginia?"

"Yes, Alexander. It is."

Alex smirked. "Ya know, I came here with the intention of kicking your ass.  But now I'm glad I didn't. Cuz for a lying bastard who impersonated my dead friend for several months to hide the fact that he was dead from me then slowly fell in love with me and used his friend's death to his own advantage, you're a pretty cool guy."

"Alexander, I think that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."

"I know, Thomas. I know."