Some Body

Struggles everywhere

Sam

Another day of being Nora. This would officially count as day three. It was weird how fast you got used to things. I got used to this body and some things would almost come naturally, as if they'd always been like that.

I think it was probably because I'd accepted it. I wasn't fighting this body, I was doing what I had to do. The only thing that still needed practice was my walk. Nora would often state that I walked too manly and needed to be lighter on my feet. I tried to but always felt so ridiculous doing it.

Last night had been rough. Milly and I went to Ian's place to cheer him up. You could tell Ian really needed some time with his friends to take his mind off of the entire situation and I was glad to do so.

We talked about random stuff and I think I'd managed just fine. Although, sometimes I had to fake a reaction when they had their inside jokes. All in all, I think they didn't notice anything. We were preoccupied with Ian.

I felt good leaving his place later that evening. I learned he didn't live that far from my place. I'd expected a few worried texts from Nora, asking how things were going but she hadn't. I wondered if that meant she trusted me. Maybe she had faith that I would be a convincing Nora, as I had been doing the past two days. Or she decided to give me my space so I wouldn't feel pressured. I shot her a recap of the evening before I went to bed and she replied with a simple thank you.

This morning, she'd texted me the address where the circus was and I was surprised they were pretty far away. It was a two hour drive there, so I got to the store and grabbed some snacks before I went to pick up Nora.

She was already waiting for me outside when I arrived.

"Hello there," she said, she seemed happy.

"I got snacks," we said at the same time.

She got in the car and immediately started to compare our snacks. As if we would die of starvation if we didn't have anything to eat during this two hour drive.

She'd picked chocolate bars and I'd gone for candy.

"Alright, we're set!" Nora said with a cheerful smile on her face. She seemed to be in a good mood and maybe it was because she had hope that we'd get some answers during this trip. I just hoped she wouldn't be too disappointed if we didn't.

"Your mom told me we were going to have a family dinner next week. You have all day to prep me for this," I told her and looked at her to see her reaction. To be honest, I was quite worried when Nora's mom told me this. A family dinner? I had to remember all of their names and if they were aunts or uncles or nieces. Not to mention their backgrounds or interests.

I felt like I'd have to study for an exam. The family dinner exam.

"Oh, it's nothing," Nora shrugged, much to my surprise.

"Nothing?" I asked incredulously.

"It's just my parents and my brother. My parents work crazy hours during the week and during the weekend my brother and I are usually out. Every once in a while my mom wants to have a 'family dinner' so we seem like an actual family. I guess it eases her mind. I usually stay quiet during those dinners," Nora explained curtly.

"You? Quiet? That's hard to imagine. I'm guessing you don't have the best relationship with your parents?" I asked, hoping I wasn't overstepping any boundaries.

"It's not a bad relationship if it's nonexistent. They're just people who provide me with food and shelter but there's no love there. They're always absent or stressed and living in their own world. I wish I could tell them there's more to life than just work but they wouldn't listen. I wonder why they even had kids in the first place," Nora sighed.

"They probably work long hours out of love though. To provide you with all the things you need," I suggested.

"What we need is a hug or a shoulder to cry on sometimes. Or a simple conversation where we can tell about our lives. Oh, well. I got over it," Nora shrugged and I could tell she actually meant it. I didn't know what was worse, the fact that she didn't have a great relationship with her parents or the fact that she was over it.

"Right, so, I just keep quiet?" I asked.

"Yes. When you know what restaurant, let me know. I'll tell you what I usually order," Nora told me.

"You always order the same thing?" I asked incredulously. I was one of those people who tried to pick a different dish every time I went somewhere.

"I have a rotation of five things or so. Don't judge me," she laughed.

"I will judge you in silence," I opted.

"That's all I ask," she grinned. "You know, my body looks so tiny in the car. Like I'm a driving toddler. It doesn't seem natural," she said.

"I do feel like I can barely reach the pedals," I joked.

"Welcome to the life of a short woman. Struggles everywhere," Nora told me as if she was guiding me through a city.

"I miss being able to reach a top shelf. When will this nightmare end?" I asked dramatically. "And why am I craving chocolate all the time?"

Nora's demeanor changed all of a sudden.

"Oh, shit," she said while covering her mouth with her hand.

"What?"

"You're PMSing. Oh boy, you're gonna have the time of your life if we're still in each other's bodies next week," she said with a dry laugh.

"Okay, what is PMS? Is your body dying?" I asked, feeling confused.

"Yes. It will feel like you're dying. PMS is the horrible week before you get your period," Nora said slowly and waited for me to let that sink in.

"Oh... no. I don't think I want this." I said eventually.

"Nobody does, but it's kinda funny if it would happen to you," she laughed.

"You need to walk me through this. Am I supposed to eat all the chocolate?" I asked, feeling so dumb and ignorant.

"You will have no other choice. This week is all about mood swings and binge eating. Next week, it'll be about cramps and blood," Nora explained. It was funny to her that I was going to go through this.

"Okay, I think I can handle this week. I might cry, though," I tried to joke but it came out serious.

"We'll handle everything as it comes. Some months aren't that bad. And hey, I'm probably back to being myself by then," she assured me.

"It's a nice goal. Being ourselves before you start your period," I grinned uncomfortably.

"Although, a part of me wants you to experience this," Nora uttered.

"There's no part of me that wants to experience this," I sighed.

"So, how are we gonna do this? Just walk up to that fortune teller and tell her we want our lives back?" Nora asked. I was grateful she decided to change the subject.

"Yo, give us our bodies back!" I laughed. "And that's how we got institutionalized."

"Hmm, we should probably keep it subtle. Which means you should let me do the talking," Nora concluded.

"You? You're as subtle as an elephant in a car. I will do the talking!" I argued.

"You're not subtle either! You're as subtle as a ... cheetah in a group of kittens," she said, causing me to burst out in laughter.

"A cheetah?"

"An elephant?" she shot back.

"I guess we'll need to keep each other in check," I offered when I was done laughing.

"Good idea."

I got nervous when we were almost there. There was a heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach and all of a sudden I wasn't so sure whether this was the best thing to do.

There was no going back now.