Bonded

Chapter 39: Rumors

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Rey deals with the fallout from the exposure of her secret

Rey rests against the seat, eyes closed. Her body is relaxed, every muscle at ease— her legs crossed loosely, arms hanging by her sides, palms facing up.

She's in her favorite spot on the Falcon, the middle of the lounge seat, surrounded by the comforts of home.

But that's not where she is in her mind.

No, there she's in the kyber cave. She's sitting dead center on that blue mat she took from the training room. The air is crisp and dry, a cool kiss on her skin. The crystals shimmer all around, whispering to her, inviting her to join them.

She answers their call, drifting away bit by bit like flower petals swept up in the wind. She becomes bigger, no longer Rey but part of that great, eternal consciousness, stretching out through time and space. Everything is small from this vantage point, events that transformed entire ecosystems just a speck, part of a never-ending cycle of destruction and recreation.

It's pure peace. Pure truth. She revels in the sense of infinity, the knowledge that no matter the disaster, life will go on. It always does...

She tilts her head back, a smile on her lips.

That's when it flashes. It's brief, just an image.

Poe screaming at her, the look in his eyes— the anger, the brokenness.

She cringes.

In an instant, it all rushes back, shame and heartache weighing her down, making her so heavy she could sink through the floor.

She opens her eyes, trying to swallow, but her throat's tight again, that tightness that just won't leave. She walks around with it all day, that and the pit in her stomach.

Rey droops. She feels them gathering, tears pushing at the backs of her eyes.

No!

She straightens, sucking in a breath.

NO.

No more crying.

She didn't come here to sit by herself and weep.

Rey squares her shoulders, adjusting in her seat. She brings her hands to her lap, closing her eyes, concentrating on the visualization. She starts to see it again...

The cave ceiling looms high, crystals stretching across it, shining down on her with their white-blue glow. It's still the most beautiful thing she's ever seen, filling her with reverence and gratitude.

She imagines them calling to her, whispers swirling in her head, beckoning her. She starts to let go, to drift away with them...

But she's interrupted by another flash.

This one's from the morning, the debriefing with the rescue team, all eyes on her. She sees the emotions flicker— uncertainty and suspicion gathering like a storm over the room.

Rey's eyes fly open.

It's back again— the tightness in her throat, the pit in her stomach, the weight crushing her down.

Without thinking, she slams a fist into the hologame table.

She scrambles to the edge of the seat, shooting up and starting to pace the room. She squeezes her throbbing hand, then flails it about, shaking out the pain.

She can't do it. She just can't do it.

She can't go a minute without thinking about it, without feeling it, her friendships in shambles, her leadership in question, everything she's built subject to scrutiny and doubt.