The Worst (Unthinkable)

What's Love

'I don't know how to love, I know I'm bound to fuck up. You better put yo trust in god and never put yo trust in us'

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1 Week Later
Bronx, New York
Belcalis Almanzar

"Yo who are you?" I question the broad that was all in my face, she was cute or whateva but I had other shit on my mind and she was blowing me.

I was at a now full blown party that was supposed to just be small kickback at Kendrick's spot but small for us always turned out big.

"I'm cool with Mariah, you can't say hi?" She tilts her head with a flirty smile on her face and I scrunch my face up pulling my head back.

"Say hi for what? I don't even know you ma back up" I wave her off and she mugs me.

"Oh it's like that?" She glares with attitude.

"Yea bitch it's like that, now back the fuck up!" I snap getting in her face.

"Yo cardi chill, this my peoples" Mariah quickly intervenes pulling me back by my shoulder.

"Yo tell ya people's to stay the fuck out my face, I don't give a fuck who you cool with. I'm not obligated to say shit to you!" I snap pointing my acrylic in her face and she smacks her lips backing up.

"Fuck you!" She spits before walking away and I flick off the back of her head.

"Yo wassup with you, you been acting mad weird lately" Mariah says and I roll my eyes walking away.

My temper was shorter these days but I had my reasons.

The vibe between me and nicki been off, we both knew why but neither of us brought it up because it would only lead to an argument.

We was barely even speaking and that shit was fuckin with me but I didn't want to address the issue at hand so I was just going with her flow.

I hit her up first a couple times and she was always "busy" with school or work so I just waited for her to hit me up which was hardly ever.

I didn't know what I was feeling, I didn't even know what love truly was.

Shit was so foreign to me because obviously what me and Tommy had wasn't love, it was just a feeling we mistook as love but was actually just lust.

I was lost and I couldn't tell her what she wanted to hear until I figured this shit out.

To me a big part of love was being vulnerable and being open to trusting your companion but I barely trusted my damn self so how could I trust her?

I didn't like this shit at all, I was a gangsta I can't be out here loving her.

"You look like you need a drink" Henny appears with two red cups, holding one out to me.

"You always come right on time" I softly smile taking the cup out her hand, taking a sip of the jungle juice I let myself unwind.

"It's dangerous right, you can't even taste the liquor" She smirks and I nod quickly agreeing.

After two more cups of this I was definitely bound to be fucked up.