The Worst (Unthinkable)

The Worst

Alternate Ending

'I don't need you, I don't need you, I don't need you, I don't need you
But I want you, I don't mean to, I don't mean to, I don't mean to
I don't mean to
But I, But I love you'

Bronx, New York
December 7th, 2021
Belcalis Almanzar

"Even after all this I still love you, this is sick" She cries adjusting her fingers on the trigger.

"Nic please don't do thi- ah fuck!" I drop the chain holding my shoulder in pain, this bitch really just shot me.

"I swear to god, word to my mother I didn't fuck up this time" I plead tears sliding down my cheeks.

The room fills with both of our cries as polics sirens could be heard in the distance approaching.

"Why would you call this love when you knew that it wasn't?" She whispers as I clench my eyes shut in pain.

"Don't do this" I plead resting my head against the wall.

Tears stream down her face and my heart aches as a glimpse of the old her appeared, that sweet innocent girl that I had met that night in the club, the same one that I had ran into at the store.

It killed me inside that I had drove that sweet girl into this.

The red and blue lights from the sirens flashed through the blinds as she closes her eyes pressing her finger down on the trigger doing the unthinkable.

I blinked until I was out of the vivid flashback and back in reality.

Taking a deep breath I cherished the polluted air more than I ever did in all my 27 years of living.

A year on the inside had sincerely humbled me, I was more thankful for everything and everybody around me.

"So you gone go see her?" Star's voice cut into my trance with the world outside of her Mercedes Benz.

Her. I hated even thinking about her. I had so much animosity in my heart for her.

Still even with all my anger, rage and mostly sadness filled in my heart towards her, I still read every letter she sent. The fresh papered letters, the crinkled letters, and the tear stained letters.

And even though I never wrote her back she never stopped sending letters, every 2 weeks for a year a letter never failed to be handed to me from a guard.

I hated love.

It was the only answer on why I told the police that I had been shot on the street and ran into my then girlfriend's house, I told them that I had fired back two shots before a silver Honda civic sped away.

I had took a plea deal of one year and a few months for having an illegal firearm, eligible for parole after a year.

I could've let her rot for attempted murder but love saved her.

The way I hated the four letter word with a passion, I felt like I had to throw up everytime it fell from somebody's lips.

Love wasn't shit, and people never shed light on the otherside of love, another four letter word, you have no choice but to accept the four letters if you want to experience the feeling of love because their a package deal.

Love and Pain.

I hated love because I couldn't stomach the pain that came with the type of love I had experienced, the love was rare and beautifully passionate, but the pain was a different breed, nothing that I had ever felt before.