Disclaimer: these are not original. These are by James Breakwell.
Case 1:
5 year old: are we out of ice cream?
Me: no
5: the why aren't we eating it?
Me: I. Don't. Know.
Case 2:
I hate it when I'm on the treadmill and need to get off and eat a cheeseburger
Case 3:
3 year old: I don't have to listen to your
Me: I'm your father
3: I'm wearing rainbow shoes.
I know when I have been beaten.
Case 4:
My 1 year old likes to curl up in small soaces and randomly shouts out her name.
I'm raising a Pokemon.
Case 5:
My 2 year old thinks every guy with a beard on TV is me
We just watched an awesome documentation about how I freed slaves.
Case 6:
4 year old: Can we get a kitten?
Me: I'm allergic to cats.
4: you sleep outside the house
Case 7:
3: why do you always carry the baby?
Me: because she can't walk
3: I think she is just lazy
Busted.
Case 8:
My 6 year old want to what a doctor to help people.
My 3 year old wishes to be a porcupine to hurt people.
Case 9:
My kids are always up to something.
I randomly shouts STOP IT through out the day
They think in a psychic
Case 10:
2 year old: *stares at a pregnant woman*
2: she ate the baby
Case 11:
Me: can you come here.
3: I didn't do it
Me: do what
3: it.
Whatever it is, she sounded innocent.
Case 12:
My 3 year old is stabbing a piece of paper with a pen for the last 10 minutes. I'm not use if she's practising art or murder.
Case 13:
Me: why are you poking holes int he paper?
3: I'm practicing
Me: practising what?
3: poking holes
I'm glad that we cleared that up.
Case 14:
*Watching a cake decorating contest*
4: that's what I wanna be
Me: a cake decorator?
4: a cake eater.
Case 15:
7: do you have a podcast?
Me: you know what a podcast is?
7: it's that thing where you talk to yourself and no one listens
She knows exactly what a podcast is
Case 16:
4: dad, can I ask you something important?
Me: sure
4: why don't we have a koala?
Me: *long pause* I don't know.
Case 17:
My 3 year old complainned the water in her cup is too wet.
Case 18:
Me after a fight: tell your sister sorry
5: you said not to lie.
Case 19:
2: I stopped them.
Me: who?
2: the elephant
At least one of us had a productive day
Case 20:
What I thought I would say as a parent: you can change the world!
What I actually say: stop licking the window
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Things To Think About!|✓
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