Climax

Curiosity Made Carl Gay - 3

Terry

"Um.. Hi.."

I stop on my tracks hearing the greeting behind me and pull off my earphones. I wasn't listening to any music. It's just to avoid conversations. I don't have a car, so this is the best way to keep people away.

Turning around, I see none other than Carl. What does he want?

"Hi.." I say.

"I.. is it okay if we talk? " Carl asks, he looks different, kind of uncomfortable.

"Sure. Can we sit?" I try to ease his uneasiness by stepping back and sitting on the steps.

Few more students are clustered along the stairs, probably discussing their evening plans. But we're alone at the end of the steps.

Carl sits right next to me and that shocks me into staring at him. Quickly, he moves away creating a few inches of void between us.

"How are you holding up?" I ask, to break the ice.

"My break up? If everyone gave a penny while asking that question, I'd have a... I don't know.. a lots of dollars." He shrugs.

I don't tell him he won't even have one dollar. He is popular but not that popular. After all he is in the kickboxing team not in soccer. I just nod.

"That got me thinking, you know? Why did you say that you like me, when everyone thinks I should be dumped?" He asks, his brown eyes full of honest confusion.

He must have over heard those stupid debates.

I shrug, deciding to boost up his confidence. "I don't care about grades."

"Last year you got some award, what's that?" He asks.

I groan. I thought no other class students were there. "Award for excellence." I leave out the glossy parts of the award name.

"Do they give it to students who don't care about grades?"

"I'm good at it, like you're in kickboxing. It doesn't necessarily mean I care about it." Grades are a means to an end.

"What do you care about then?"

That's a million dollars question. "Nothing much. Aren't we too young to care?"

"I guess. So why do you like me?"

"What does it matter to you?" Is he suddenly interested in me, now that he is single again?

"I'm... I'm just curious. I can't imagine any guy would like me that way." Carl shakes his head, his brown curls are tamed and matted. Probably sweat.

"I can't explain without embarrassing both of us. I'm attracted to you. Let's leave it at that." If I get down to the details, I'll have a hard on and probably a broken face.

"Can we be friends?"

The question is unexpected and throws me off. I think of the main reason why it would be a disaster. "Nope. That won't be fair to you."

"Why not?" He cocks his head.

"I value my friends, I don't have many, just two actually. I don't lie to them. If we become friends I'll have to lie constantly." I should be ashamed to confess this to Carl. He has so many friends. Juniors and seniors both.

"Why would you lie?" He doesn't doubt the other part. My lack of social circle doesn't seem to surprise him.

I clear my throat, and reply honestly.

"I have feelings for you. If you casually put an arm around my shoulders, I have to act like it's okay. But it's not." Carl looks perplexed, so I explain further. "If you give me a bro hug, I'll immediately want to make it into something more. I'll want to pull you impossibly close and kiss you."

Carl turns pink. It makes me blush.

I cough to cover it and continue. "So, no. Sorry, can't be friends."

"But how? How could you think of.. of.. kissing me?" He waves his hands indicating his very masculine, very broad chest.

I avert my eyes to the tree behind him. "What do you mean? Jasmine never kissed you?"

"She's a girl."

"I'm gay. Are you homophobic?" It's better to stop this conversation right here, if he is.

"I don't know...I never.... understood gay." He looks at his fingers like a guilty child caught stealing candies.

"Get on the internet. It's easy to understand, I promise." I keep my voice low and reassuring. For some reason, Carl is totally a different person up close. I've been watching him from afar for close to two months now, he was never unsure. His tone is always confident and he never paused in between a sentence unnecessarily.

"Oh, I don't use the internet to learn new things." He studies his palm harder.

"Why?" It's almost impossible not to use it.

"Once I saw blood in the tissue while sneezing. I googled and found out I could have cancer. I was so shaken up I locked myself in my bedroom for two days."

"How old were you?"

"Twelve. I stopped using the internet unsupervised at home since then. Even on my phone I don't use Google."

That's unbelievable but could be true if I took his serious look into consideration.

"Well you could always ask a gay guy. Like me. What's confusing about gay?" I inquire looking at him.

"Is it okay if I texted? I feel really shy to talk right now." He fiddles with his fingers.

"You? Shy? Last week you went around the whole school and collected money for the tampon fund and explained what it is to anyone asked." I fell for him harder that day. I donated all I had in my wallet, just so he would smile at me. When he smiled I decided to take the risk of telling him. Brian encouraged, he said better to know for sure than to crush from far. It took me three days to finally gather the courage to say it to him.

"That's different, it's for those little girls in poor hygiene villages across the world and it's not a tampon, it's something else, I forgot the name.. it's a period cup or something. But talking about gay... it makes me weird." He picks his thumb nail. The skin around it's peeled, maybe it's his habit.

"Okay, here. Put your number." I hand over my phone.

We exchange numbers.

"Thanks Terry. I'll message you after practice." He waves with a shy smile before leaving.

I sit there and wonder if anything will come from this. A shy Carl is a lot cuter.

****End of Chapter Three*****