Climax

Curiosity Made Carl Gay - 8

Carl

"Coming to Kim's party tomorrow?" Milan asks in a quiet tone. We're at lunch, in a table full of seniors except me of course.

I fumble for a lie, it's more difficult than I thought. "I haven't yet decided. You going?" I rub my neck, suddenly sweaty.

I can keep a secret until no one asks a direct question about it.

"Yeah man. But I understand if you don't want to come. Jasmine is going to be there for sure. It's better to let it all cool down. Right?" He slaps my back good naturedly.

Why didn't I think of that? It's the perfect reason.

My shoulders relax. "Right."

I've to tell Terry that I can't keep a secret. It's too stressful.

Last night we were talking about nothing till ten o'clock. His battery died, otherwise I don't know how far into the night we would have gone.

It is good. Terry is good. Easy and simple. It's so easy to ask him embarrassing questions in text.. If only I could stop blushing around him it would be great. If only he could stop talking about how horny he was because of me it would be fantastic. Everytime he said 'kill me now', I knew he was thinking of something sexual. Frustrating part is I'm sure I don't say anything remotely sexual to make him horny.

Jasmine and I were not into talking about sex. We just went with it. If he stopped talking about it we would become fast friends.

I chew my nails as Milan talks to Dee about her plans for tomorrow. I'm no longer interested in food.

Instead of a date, we should maybe go out as friends. What will happen if I don't like gay things? Will he stop talking to me? I don't want that. I like us the way we are.

I'll have to lie. his words echo in my mind.

It is the craving for what I can't have. His text comes back to me.

I can't change our plans. It's not about me learning gay anymore. It's about letting Terry get a little bit of his dreams too. If I don't like it, I'll tell him.. later. But he would have this one night with his crush. It's better than nothing right?

I'm his crush. It's still a novel concept. A boy likes a boy not because he wants but because he can't help it.

I remember my first hardon in public. In eighth grade, summer camp. There was a girl in a nice black swimsuit and her legs were swinging in the water as she sat on the edge of the pool and talked with her friends.

I was in the water and one second I was just looking and the next I was hard. I wanted to touch her, the need was so urgent I couldn't do anything. It terrified me. I ducked into the water and stayed there until I couldn't breath.

That night I had a long talk with dad. I should have asked if it's possible to feel that way for boys too. I didn't know to ask, dad didn't think to tell.

Milan shakes me. "Earth to Carl."

I laugh and get up. The lunch table is already empty.

Suddenly I'm sad. Angry at dad for not telling me everything.

The feeling stays with me the remainder of the day.

I bail out of Fio's chauffeur duty and hide in my room, skipping dinner.

I didn't get to see Terry today. I'm confused and angry and it's a good thing that he didn't see me.

He texts me around nine.