I'm at home for a while while I recover. I was just laying in bed it was about noon when i got a text.
: You doing okay?
- Logan
: Yeah I'm fine but pretty tired ttyl
- Alexa
: Oh okay bye.
I got bored so I turned some music on what do you know, you are the heart by blood on the dance floor comes on. " So not in the mood for this," I skip it. I got up and went into the bathroom. I look into the mirror " That's it," I mumble to myself. I leave a note on the fridge saying I'll be back later.
Grabbed quite a lot of money that I have. I went shopping got a whole different clothes dark and ripped up. i got my hair dyed and cut. I'm now doing my makeup differently. I've decided that I should be me and that's a freak of nature that no one likes, I've been like that for a while but now I'm making it clear.
I walk in the front door the first thing I see if my mom " Holly shit," She mumbles. " Well don't you look different," I nodded. " Is there any reason for this," I shook my head no. " are you okay your not saying much?" I have never said much what is she talking about " I have no idea what your talking about mom I've never really said much its hard to speak and express how I feel unless I'm writing and no you can not read my writings," I put my ear buds in and go up stairs.
I'm sitting there drawing with my ear buds in then my mom taps my shoulder. I jump up in the air and start taking deep breaths " Mom not cool you gave me a heart attack!" i sat down tryign to calm down that scared me so much " Sorry but Logan's here to see you," she said. " Okay then let him in I don't feel like getting up." She nods and leaves next thing you know Logan comes in.
" Hey are you doing okay," I nod and close my notebook. " Still hurting a bit but feeling a bit better," he was examining me " Well you look different, I mean I'm not saying its bad it looks good but it just doesn't seem like you," I just kind of shrugged. I don't know how to respond to many things so I just nod plus I'm afraid I'll fuck up and say something I don't mean. " It does quite fit me and my personality I hide a lot but I'm done hiding, what good is hiding in a corner going to do for me its going to make me weak and I am a lion I was born to be free and strong and that's what I will be," Where in the hell did that come from I can't believe I just said that.
" I know what you mean, don't let someones smile fool you behind that smile is a land of hurt and in their head its a land of despair and they are feeling so alone, when if they where to realize their never really alone, someone is always there for them whether they know it or not someone cares and loves them, one day if they stay they will realize it, I happen to know you've been in the hospital on suicide attempts but so have I trust me it will get better and you will get better, you days may be dark but if it makes you feel any better i'll be the light in the dark to make you feel better and to give you hope and I swear I will never give up on you," Oh um how do I respond
I clear my throat trying not to cry "T-thank you that means a lot and you know you might as well give up now I've gotten to the point of no return," He sat on the edge of my bed " I was the same way but i promise you i will do all I can to help you," He cheeks his phone " I have to go i'll see you soon bye."
Once he was gone i couldn't stop thinking about what he said it was being repeated over and over in my head. He says he won't give up I highly doubt that.
