Until the doctor came out and said " Alexa come quick he woke up and he is freaking out hes worried suick about you," I followed the doctor we where speed walking. Is it bad that he knows my name by heart or nah? Okay this is no time for my jokes I hope hes okay.
I walked into the room and ran over he instantly grabbed me and pulled me in for a hug. " Alexa I'm scared," He said. " Why," I asked. " I almost died I would have had to be with out your even heaven would be hell without you," I hugged him again as he cried. He was shaking he truly was scared out of his mind. " Your safe I promise," I whispered. " I'm not worried about myself I'm scared because if I left who knows what would happen to you, who would be your light, who would be your forever," I wanted to cry but instead I just hugged him.
" I'm so sorry Logan I should have got hit by that car not you," I whispered. " Alexa none of this is your fault we just happen to have terrible luck, but I guess our luck isn't as bad as we thought I mean we're still here and all and I still have you so yeah," Aha that's how I end this to with so yeah. " I'm happy your alive with out you I," I clenched my jaw trying not to cry. " I would hate life and myself even more," I said. " Well you may hate your life and you may hate yourself but I love you," He looked around. " Shit," He said.
" When am I going to be out of here," He asked looking worried. " Not for another week," A nurse standing near by said. " Crap no come on my parents aren't going to be back for two weeks, can you watch over Ericka shes not that big of a handful please Alexa," Oh jeez. " Uh yeah I'll watch her at my house while your in here I'll come see you tomorrow because I have to go its time for your surgery, Stay strong, I love you," I said. " I love you too," He said as I walked out the door.
How can he stand seeing me in the hospital I thought to myself. Seeing him that hurt made me want to just curl up and die. I went to pick up his sister. This was going to be hard to explain. She kept asking what was going on and why was she staying with me. I turned up the music when the song bulletproof love by Pierce the Veil came on. " Who even sings this," She said I slammed on the breaks.
" Well I'm just asking its weird why don't you play some Five seconds of summer," Oh shes gon learn today. " If I hear that name one more time I will happily have you sleep in the car tonight while I sleep in my bed, another thing is if I hear another word about how my music is weird I will flip the flip out," I said. " Ugh your just like Logan," She said. Is that a good or bad thing?
She slept in my bed I was out on the couch I didn't sleep a bit I was worried sick about him. They had told me before I left that he wrote a will in case he dies. This scares me I feel like my heart beat is slowing down if I lose him I lose my purpose, I lose my love, I lose my light in all the darkness, I lose my forever. I refuse to sleep I'm to worried I'm to scared. I told Ericka what is going on I don't think she sees what is really going on she isn't seeing the full picture.
I looked at my scared arms. " This is my fault," I thought to myself. It was Two in the morning and I went into the bathroom. I opened my drawer and took out my make up bad dug through it and found a shard and new razor. I began to cut over and over. I lost count of how many there where. I just kept taking that razor back and forth across my skin. Feelings the cold metal break my skin open made me flinch but at the same time smile. I put the razor away and sat there with tears rolling down my face but a smile on my face. I watched it drip onto the floor. " I got what I deserved," I thought to myself.
I couldn't see Logan the next day he was in no condition I had to go to school anyways. Livi was sick today so I was alone. I was walking and reading with my ear buds in until I got tipped and fell dropping my books. My arm was flat on the ground my scars showing. I quickly got up pulled my sleeves down not saying another word I saw some jaws drop when they saw my arm but I just ran off. I was so embarrassed think of all the things they can say about me now oh gosh this is going to be terrible.
I didn't give a shit that we still had to classes left I needed to feel better. I went home ran into the bathroom and began to cut the hell out of my stomach. Logan would be so upset and he will be when he fins out if he fins out I doubt he will he won't be in any position to notice he won't be very zoned in. I can't even right now. Fuck it I thought to myself and went to take a nap.
