I woke up to my alarm going off. I hate everything right now i thought to myself. " Alexa you better be getting up," I hear my mom shout " I am mom!" I couldn't care less about how I look right now. I honestly have stopped caring about everything since yesterday seeing him dead made me break. I don't normally say that I'm broken but I think I finally fell apart.
I walked to school on my own today. I dodged my mom this morning I didn't want her asking if I was okay. I had my music on shuffle For The Love Of A Daughter by Demi Lavato came on Right as I saw a little girl hug her dad and say I love you smiling. I put my head down and a tear rolled down my face and landed on my shoe. ' Oh father, please father, dear father I'd like to leave you alone but I just can't let you go, Oh father, please father, but down the bottle for the love of a daughter, Don't you remember I'm your baby girl how could you throw me right out of your world?!," I turned it off. I kept my head down as the tears rolled down my face.
For the rest of the day i ignored what everyone was saying my dad was on my mind. I know my dad is no good but I love and miss him everyday. I wish I could have been the happy little girl holding her dads hand as they walk down the street. But no i was the little girl sitting in the back of the car wishing they would stop fighting, confused on why my dad put his hands on my mother. I look just like her. He didn't care he beat me too. But I want my daddy more than anything. I'm not the only one going through this but, it causes me great pain. I remember the day that when he said I love you began to sound like a lie when it came out of his mouth.
He left when I was five. It could have been worse he could have left when I was born but before he became an alcoholic he loved me i was his world.. I was his baby girl.. After school all I did was sit in my room with his number typed into my phone debating on whether to call or not. I finally put my phone down and started to draw. I drew a girl sitting in the corner crying with her dad sitting at the table with a bunch of beers around him while she whispers " Oh father, please father, put the bottle down for the love of a daughter," But he keeps on drinking. She wouldn't say it louder in fear that he'll hit her. I cried myself to sleep that night. I ignored all texts and calls that day. I just needed to be on my own for a while.
