* beep beep beep* My alarm is going off I better get up and get ready for school. I think I'm totally ready to go back I don't know why Logan thought that I couldn't handle the pain I have a special way that I take care of the pain that I feel inside. I get told that the way that I fix my problems is not the right way I haven't been told that in a long time and I told Logan I would try not to cut. Ugh.
Honestly i'm confused no confused doesn't even begin to cover it, I have no idea what we are if we're dating if we're friends or what. If we're not going out it would be nice if he didn't flirt with me. The thing about that is I'm afraid that he'll fall for me then we break up and are no longer friends or I kill myself and he gets sad i don't know its just all so confusing.
I cheeked the time I got up pretty early so I went down stairs. My little brother was on the Wii making sound effects with his mouth " Boom Pshhh," I look up from my phone " Do me a favor and shut it," I give my attention back to my phone. " Alexa!" My mom called " What mom," i called back. " I said what mom," Ugh I knew that she wanted me to come here. I walked to the front door to see what she wanted. " There's someone here for you," It was just Ericka.
" Hi Logan is riding the bus to school but he wanted me to walk with you to make sure nothing would happen to you again," I just nodded went back inside got my bag and left with her. " So are you and my brother dating," She asked right before I was about to put my ear buds in " I don't think so.
" I said while scrolling through my songs. " Well if you ask me i think he likes you i haven't seen him care about someone this much since Jessica passed away Two years ago," So that's who that was I thought to myself.
" I hope you don't mind me asking but who is Jessica and what happened to her," i just looked at the ground I had one ear bud in but I was listening. " Well Jessica was his ex girlfriend and she well I'll just say it she got hit by a drunk driver while walking home one day. Its nice to see hes getting over it her death affected us all." I was just kind of looking at her feet as she walked. I don't exactly know how to respond but I'll try " Oh um.. I'm so sorry." She shrugged " Its okay everyone has there time her time was just them, maybe she was in the wrong place at the wrong time so her time got back back,"
Damn for a freshman she knew a lot. " Anways subject change, who are you dating," I started laughing " Yeah uh no I don't have a boyfriend you see no one likes me expect for your brother and I mean as a friend," Then she did a little giggle " Yeah ugh he doesn't like you as a friend I can tell he wants to be more than friends," Alrighty then way to make things awkward " Oh," i said and we kept walking.
Once we got to school we split up. " Oh hey don't get to close shes a crazy bitch," Some dude said as I walked by. Isn't that nice I have complete strangers judging me now. Every time I walked by people jumped away like i was some disease that would kill them. Little did they know there words are killing me.
I walked past a group of girls playing there shitty ass music. Like Taylor Swift and Lil Wayne all that crapy stuff. I'm doing pretty well besides all the names I'm being called. I mean like i'm used to it but i don't know some how they seem to be making the names worse and really harsh. At least their not beating me till I end up in the hospital so there's an upside to today.. Well not really.
During lunch I got socked in the face spit on and called a phycopath and a murderer. That was it i ran home without anyone noticing I mean unless their picking on me or moving away from me I'm pretty damn invisible. No one was home good. I ran into the bathroom " i know this isn't right i said i would try not to but i just.. I just.. I just can't take it. I grabbed a blade and started to cut there was about 23 of them on wrist by the time i was done just blood dripping into the sink from every cut. I stood and watched the blood flow into the sink. I didn't bother to try and stop it when i was done i cleaned the sink and my arm put a jacket on and went to lay down i was tired. Every time after I cry I pass out and its Nice to forget about the world for a while. Forget about what happened to Issac for a while. Get away from myself and just enter my mind for awhile.
