Mina

Absolutely Everything

"You were home late." Penny commented as I filled a plate with three waffles, a handful of sausage links, a bowl of fruit, and a giant chocolate chip muffin.

I took a sip of my smoothie, nodding my head. "Hmm, yeah." I mumbled, swallowing my drink as I carried the plate full of a heart attack to Penny. "I stayed after my class to help a friend."

Really I stayed after to once again apologize to Grace for pushing her so hard but also to once again try to push her to turn in her boyfriend. She still wouldn't. She still claimed that she loved him and he loved her, only this time she said "he promised" nothing like that would ever happen again. That she was overreacting.

It took all I had not to yell at her. Not to tell her how stupid she was being. How he was lying. I knew saying any of that would only push her farther from me and closer to him. So instead I sat there and I listened to her justify what he did. How it was the alcohol. How he never would do anything to hurt her. How he loved her and he cared and he promised to take care of her. That she was making a big deal out of nothing.

I didn't believe a word of it and I wasn't sure she did either.

"You've been helping a lot of friends lately." Penny commented, shoving a sausage link in her mouth.

I watched the food tumble around, her lips smacking together, the fat of her jowls wiggling like a Saint Bernard. I cared for Penny, part of me still loved her solely because she was my mom, but she revolted me.

"Yeah." I agreed. "I guess I have."

"Are you sure one them isn't a boy?" She licked her fingers.

"Yes, I'm sure."

My mind went straight to Owen. I had to swallow down a smile that tried to tug at my face. We were just friends. That was all we'd ever be. But I wasn't about to let anyone know that maybe I cared for him. A small, tiny, minuscule sliver of fondness for him. It was so small, it wasn't even worth mentioning.

What was maybe worth mentioning was the fact that Penny was so interested in whether I was hanging out with a guy. She had clearly spent so much of her time, trying to turn me against my dad.  And she'd won for the most part.

You'd think she'd be happy I hated men. That I didn't trust anyone. That was exactly what she had been grooming me for ever since he left, maybe sooner.

Anger boiled up inside me as I thought of the countless letters, perfectly folded into their envelopes, filled with words of love and regret and wonder.

I still didn't know what I was going to do. If I was going to keep tearing them open, one by one, just to cry at all the what if's. All the things I may have missed out on had my dad been in my life. I'd even thought about calling him. I'd looked up the address off the most recent letter. He didn't live that far. Two hours and 18 minutes according to my gps. But I couldn't quite bring myself to write him back, to drive the miles to his house, to find his number. Because every time I got close, years of Penny whispering in my ear, falling apart, being who she was, echoed through my mind until any hope that had sprung to life within me was squashed out. Not even smoldering charcoal left to maybe reignite the flame with the right amount of air being blown into it.

"Mina baby, can you get me some more syrup?"  Penny's voice intruded my thoughts.

I watched her for a second. The sad excuse of a person she was. She was miserable. Drowning herself in food because it was all she had.

Suddenly my anger dissipated until it was just the same lingering ache in my chest.

"Sure mom."

————————

"So what do you think?" Chelsea asked from behind me as we filtered into the classroom.

"No."

"Come on, it'd be fun. Colby and Owen are friends, we're friends." She explained.

"I'm not double dating with you especially when I'm not even dating the person you want me to go with." She was ridiculous.

Just because I could admit to myself that Owen wasn't that bad didn't mean I suddenly wanted to be his best friend. I said friends, just friends. That's it. And I hadn't even said it out loud.

"You're no..."

"Watch where you're going cripple."

The words echoed through the classroom just as deafening as the first time Sydney had thrown them at Owen. I clenched my teeth together, my eyes narrowed. I was not going to let her get inside Owen's head again. So even though it was against absolutely everything I usually did, I took a step forward about to call her out when Owen spoke up.

"Fuck off bitch." His voice full of venom.

Sydney slammed her hands down onto the table, leaning over as she got into Owen's face. I could only see the back of his head but I could imagine. I'd seen him and Jase get into it a handful of times and I bet he had a similar look. His typically soft, patient brown eyes hardened and defiant, the muscles in his jaw taught with anger, nostrils flared slightly like it was taking everything in him not to lose it.

"What did you just call me?" Sydney hissed, a little vein in her forehead popping out.

"Oh I'm sorry, I thought we were just pointing out the obvious." Owen retorted sarcastically.

I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face, the slight increase of my heart as I felt triumph spread through my body.

"You little..." Sydney growled back about to rip into him but Owen didn't give her a chance.

"Cripple? Yeah, you're right I am.  Beats the hell out of being a massive bitch though so there's that." As soon as he finished, he shoved himself forward slamming into her desk.

If I knew Owen at all, he'd done it on purpose. It made me have to hold in a laugh, my eyes meeting Sydney's for a brief second. She was fuming, shooting daggers at anyone who dare look in her direction, shouting obscenities and insults. But when she locked eyes on me, I just shrugged, letting her see just how absolutely proud of Owen I was and how little I cared for what she was yelling.

I shifted my gaze to Owen as he spun himself around to face the front of the classroom. Maybe he was looking for me or maybe he felt me staring at him but his eyes almost instantly met mine. All the anger that I had expected to see drained from him until all there was, was Owen.

He gave me that smile. That heart stopping one that everyone always carried on about. The one that made him the definition of charming and attractive. The one that I was so adamant on not being effected by. Problem was, this time, my heart stopped too.

                               ————————

I can't believe we're already 30 chapters deep.