Mina

Okay

I couldn't focus on the TV but I didn't dare move my eyes from it.

"Mina." Owen mumbled beside me.

I kept my eyes straight ahead as I replied. "Hmm?"

"Thank you." He said, the tail end turning into a yawn.

I looked over at him, his eye lids heavy with sleep, his breathing already quiet and shallow. He looked sweet, on the cusp of sleep beside me.

"Shut your eyes." I told him.

He was struggling to hold his eyes open. "Don't go. Please."

He tipped his head back onto his pillow before he wiggled himself onto his side facing me. His face came inches from my arm, his warm breath causing goosebumps to erupt across my skin every time he exhaled.

I wanted to touch him. I wanted to snuggle down beside him, feel his chest rise and fall and the warmth of his body radiate into mine. I wanted to run my fingers through his hair and kiss him. God did I want to kiss him.

"I won't."

I took a deep breath, reeling in my thoughts. I watched him for another moment, he was so still, could he have fallen asleep that fast? My fingers twitched but I held them close to my side. I couldn't let myself get carried away with all of my desires. I had to protect myself, ensure that I'd never end up like Penny.

But after a moment of fighting internally, I couldn't stop myself from lacing my fingers between his. His hand limp in mine and I knew for certain he was already in the world of dreams. He obviously needed it and I didn't mind. It gave me a chance to catch my breath, steady my thoughts and my breathing and take him in without trying to be sly about it.

His lips parted slightly, his eyes dancing in his dreams behind closed eyelids. I allowed the tears that surfaced to spill over as I watched the steady rise and fall of his chest.

Why was he so...so this? I had never felt this undeniable need to be near someone like I did Owen. And I needed advice on how to navigate all that I was feeling. But I didn't know where to turn.

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I couldn't hold it anymore, I had to go to the bathroom. My bladder had been screaming in protest for a while but I hadn't wanted to let go of Owen's hand or wake him.

But my bladder wasn't protesting anymore, it was threatening to let it's contents out where I sat so I gingerly slipped off the bed, glancing at Owen as I held my breath trying to be as quiet as possible. He looked so peaceful and he had clearly needed the sleep.

I tiptoed across the floor, cringing at the sound of my shoes against the wood floor, a noise I typically never would have heard. But everything seemed deafeningly loud at the moment.

"Where're you going?"

I jumped, my heart slamming against my chest as I whipped around to see Owen watching me through tired eyes.

"You wake up easy." I breathed.

I watched him roll flat onto his back, his eyes never leaving me. If I hadn't had to pee I would have climbed back on the bed.

"Were you leaving?" He asked, his voice still thick from sleep.

"I have to go to the bathroom. I was trying to be quiet. I'll be right back." I explained.

"Promise?"

My heart ached for him. For the simplicity of how it all seemed to be with Owen, how easily it seemed to be for him to trust and love. I hated myself and my inability to just be brave.