Mina

Big News

I never texted Owen back. And I didn't answer when he called. In fact, two days had passed.

Two days of him texting and calling me, asking me to return his messages. To tell him what was wrong.

But I couldn't quite bring myself to respond.

I hadn't answered Max or Chelsea. My phone constantly going off with new messages. I was trying to focus on my homework but the insistent buzzing drew my attention away for the millionth time. Finally giving into it, I opened my phone, staring down at all the things I wasn't answering.

Chelsea: I'm really starting to freak out Mina

Max: this is ridiculous answer your phone

Chelsea: we're all scared

Max: you better not be dead

Chelsea: Max!

Max: what?

Max: you can't blame me for thinking that. She's not answering

Chelsea: will you just assure us you're not dead

I went to Owen's name, feeling guilty but still not putting their worries to rest.

Savas: Damn it Mina

Savas: will you just text me back

Savas: I'm about to take a nap I don't care if you wake me up

Savas: Mina

Savas: I love you

I withdrew my hand within milliseconds as Chelsea's name lit up my caller id. My heart pounded in my chest at the mere thought of accidentally answering the call.

What was I doing?

I blew out a breath, waiting until my screen went black again. Why couldn't I just answer? Why couldn't I just tell them?

I felt overwhelmed. And alone.

The stupid thing was, I knew I was doing it to myself. If only I could just tell them.

But the only person I had managed to tell anything to had been my dad. When he answered the phone that day, his voice shocked and full of concern I blubbered on about Grace and Patrick and the party she had gone to and the police station and the aftermath of it all. I cried and I yelled and I cried more and I told him over and over how it was my fault. How if I could have just kept my mouth shut like Grace had begged me to do, then maybe she'd still be talking to me and I would have known if things had gotten worse. Instead she fled from me like I was the plague.

He just listened, telling me it was okay, that he was there, that he was proud of me. That it wasn't my fault.

It had eased some of my distress at the time but I realized quickly that it wasn't permanent.

That when left alone, my mind started to replay my life, highlighting all the areas where I had pushed someone out of their comfort zone. But now, instead of my thoughts being positive they were negative. Solidifying that everything I thought I knew, thought I understood was a bunch of bull. I was just like Penny, pushy and manipulative as long as it was what I wanted. The thought made me sick to my stomach.

My phone lit up again just as I started to consider that I may actually be sick, my stomach gurgling. But the feeling passed just as fast as it had come as my dad's name danced across the screen.

I didn't give myself a chance to second guess it, desperate for the clarity he had unknowingly brought to me before.

"Hi." I said into the phone, loud and sharp.

"Mina! Angel! Can you talk? Is now a good time? You're not in class?"

"Now is fine."

His enthusiasm didn't match my somber mood.

"Oh Mina I'm so excited." He told me. "I thought about waiting and telling you in person but I can't wait."

The smallest of smiles pulled at my face. His happiness was infectious even through the mountain of distress I was buried under.

"What is it?"

He let out a breath, like he was steadying himself to unleash an epic discovery on me. It made me feel nervous, causing me to tap the pen in my hand against my book that I had open.

"Ashleigh went to the doctor today." I already knew what this was. My heart pounded in my chest. "She decided she wanted to do a small gender reveal and we want you there. I want you there."

I shook my head, not that he could see it.

I still wasn't sure what to think of my dad's wife being pregnant. Where I fit into all of it. Really, calling him had been a rash, thoughtless action on my part. And I still hadn't actually seen him. Now he wanted me to be there to find out the gender of his next kid. The kid he wouldn't be leaving. That kid would grow up never questioning whether they were wanted, or loved or worth it. That kid wouldn't grow up with a mom like Penny. Not like I had.

"Two weeks. I'll text you all the details." He told me. I still hadn't managed to say a word. "I can't wait to have my family all together. You'll be a great big sister."

Maybe I was coming down with the flu, that had to explain the nausea, right? I couldn't wrap my mind around meeting my dad let alone his new wife and all their family. Family that if I had met I didn't remember.

"Mina?" He questioned. "Still there?"

"Y-yeah." I stammered. "Still here."

"Do you think it'll be a boy or a girl?" He mused but all I could do was stare at my lap, my heart pounding, stomach turning. "I think a boy. Well I hope a boy. That way it'll be even."

"Yeah." Was all I could manage.

"But a girl wouldn't be bad either. Give me a second shot at you."

I closed my eyes, feeling something akin to grief wash over me. "I-I gotta go."

"Everything alright?"

Nothing was alright.

"Yeah, just fine. Lots of homework." I rambled.

I wasn't convinced he believed me. It was in the way he sighed into the phone, his elation deflating slightly as he said, "of course, I understand. Do me a favor and think about it. It'd mean the world to me if you were there to celebrate with us."

"I will." I want to say I said it with every intention of thinking about it but that might have been a lie. "Thanks for thinking of me though."

"You're my daughter Mina, you're always in my thoughts." He reassured.

I nodded my head slowly, it was hard to think that I was. That he had been thinking of me all these years we spent apart. Maybe it wouldn't feel real until I actually saw him or maybe it just never would. But either way when he said goodbye and that he'd talk to me later, I agreed.

                                ———————

Check me out. Daily updates live on. If I can write a chapter I'll have the next to done! But I have to make a crap ton of zucchini bread. I'm not really sure how I got roped into it but the other day I showed up at my moms and she threw a ridiculously large zucchini at me and told me to make zucchini bread for the weekend because we're going up north to our cabin. That being said depending on what I do up north you might not get an update Saturday and the update might not come until late Sunday. That's assuming I get some writing done.