A Greater Good (girlxgirl)

Wedding Dress

I arrived late to the cafe where Steph suggested we meet up before hunting for the wedding dress. I was excited to get one and be done with it. I wanted to find the perfect one, put it away and pull it out on the day, not keep thinking about it. 

It was a busy cafe, a lot of Saturday breakfasters lounging around, talking and enjoying themselves. Suddenly I felt jealous of them, I wanted to run out of the shop and run away, go on a holiday somewhere for a long, long time. It was an overwhelming feeling, it zoned me out from everything but when I saw Steph waving at me from the table I knew that however troubling the emotion was, I needed to put on a happy face.

I smiled and waved back, making my way past waitresses and people to get to them. Steph, Mum and Jane were waiting for me. I felt annoyed that Jane actually took Steph up on the offer, I felt like she did it just to annoy me and go against everything I wanted.

"Hello," I said to them, putting my handbag under the table and sitting down beside Steph, opposite Jane and Mum.

"Hi, darling," Mum greeted me, everyone had a coffee in front of them and Mum even had a muffin.

"Do I have time to get something?" I asked Steph, who consulted her watch.

"Yes, but hurry."

I nodded and headed to the display cabinet of food. Tens of sweet and savoury things glistened behind the glass, waiting to be purchased and devoured. Everything was catching my eye, I didn't know what I would settle for.

"Hey."

I turned around, it was Jane.

"Hi." I turned my attention back to the food, I was deciding between a sweet or savoury croissant. 

Jane was staring at me, I wish she was awkward and not outstandingly confident because then she wouldn't stare and make me uncomfortable. I turned back to her and glared.

"What?"

She smiled. "Nothing."

"Then stop looking at me." I stepped forward to the counter. "The ham and cheese croissant, please." And stepped back, a few feet away from Jane,  while they warmed it.

She moved up to the counter and handed over her card, she was making the waitress laugh, I was noticing Jane's smile. Stop. I couldn't think of her in any kind of way, let alone that. She stepped back beside me, she smelt nice, she looked good too. What was wrong with me today!?

"Why are you here?" I hissed.

"Do you want me to go?" she asked smugly, knowing I'd say no.

"No, they'll just ask questions." I turned to the front, watching as the girl took my croissant out of the oven.

"You're looking good, Ev."

"If you're going to be here you can't say those things."

"Your mum and Steph will be saying those exact things."

"You know it's different."

"Fine, what'd you want me to do?"

My name was called and I stepped forward to collect the paper bag with my croissant inside.

"Just... don't flirt," I demanded.

"With you?" She raised an eyebrow.

"With anyone." I headed back to the table knowing that I shouldn't have let my jealously get the best of me.

"I like this one," I said for the tenth time about the tenth dress.

It looked good on me, I was happy with it, but I was happy with the hundreds I'd already tried on. What was worse was the more dresses I tried on and the more I became drained with Mum and Steph's constant examining, the more I bonded with Jane. She would look at me from her place on a seat and smile and roll her eyes, she'd agree with whatever I'd say.

"Is it a bit tight on the arms?" Mum said, hand placed under her chin in deep contemplation. 

"Maybe," Steph confirmed.

"Well I like it!" I said defiantly. I was tired and wanted to just buy one and go home to do nothing, watch a movie alone maybe as James was with his mates for some activity. 

"It has to be right!" Mum said with vague frustration at my easy going behaviour. "It's costing you a lot of money."

"I like it though!"

"Please just try the one from the window," Steph badgered. 

I rolled my eyes. "I like this one."

"Just one more and then we can go."

I sighed. "Fine."

Steph set off with the shop assistant to get the dress from the window and I played with the fabric in my fingers. Jane was looking at the carpet, she was bored out of her mind, I could tell, but - and I would only admit this to myself - it made me happy that she was here, even if it was hurting her to see me prepare for my wedding. 

"I'm going to go look at the bridesmaid dresses," Mum told me before floating off to the other side of the room.

I headed back into the changing room, closing the curtain behind me and starting to shimming off the dress, but I remembered the zip. Cursing the only option I had, I stuck my head out the curtain and looked at Jane who was on her phone.

"Hey..." I begun with a small, innocent smile on my face, "I need a hand with the zip."

Jane looked up and smiled at me, she shook her head as she stood up. "Sure."

I turned around for her and she undid the zip, her hands lingered on my back, her breath was hot against the back of my neck and my heart was racing. No. Not now. Not in my soon to be wedding dress.

"You look really pretty," she whispered close to my ear.

I felt myself go red. I wanted to say don't, to be far away from her, but at the same time I wished I was 17 again and we were the only people in the world that mattered. 

Her lips brushed against the top of my back, slowly she guided me back inside the changing room so that even though we were pretty much hidden where we were before, there was no chance of being seen. 

She pushed me in gently and turned me around, I wrapped my hand behind her neck and she kissed me. It was incredible, but I felt so, so guilty. I didn't want to hurt anyone, but in doing so, I was hurting myself. It felt like I was a kid again, sneaking around after school in my childhood bedroom doing things I'd never done before. But I wasn't a kid. I couldn't do this. 

"I've got the dress," Steph called.

Jane broke away from me as Steph opened up the curtain. Jane looked down at the ground and I stared at her completely torn between what I was feeling, I was so confused, everything was now so, so complicated! 

"Her zip got caught," Jane explained and slipped out of the cubicle.