A Greater Good (girlxgirl)

Christmas

Everlyn mopped around after the phone call, she went straight home that day and collapsed onto the couch. When James walked in after a long day at work, he didn't ask what was wrong, he assumed that it was a work thing, not that his fiancee's heart was broken over his sister. 

Even after a two weeks Everlyn was still mopping around the house and speaking in a sad monotone when she spoke at all, James wasn't game enough to ask what was wrong, he knew that girls got like this and he desperately didn't want to say anything sexist and upset Everlyn anymore. 

One Friday he came home to see Everlyn sitting on the couch staring out the window with glassy eyes and couldn't take it anymore. 

"Come on! Get dressed in something nice," he'd told her and then retreated to shower off the sawdust from work before he could receive any protests. And they went to the movies.

Everlyn clung onto James' arm in the queue for the tickets, she felt grateful that he hadn't pushed her into telling him what the problem was and he deserved her to at least put on a happy face, so she did. She smiled at him, grabbed his hand, did everything a good partner would do, but nothing could stop the thoughts of Jane.

They chose their seats and snuggled down beside each other. During the trailers James opened the popcorn much to Everlyn's annoyance, he smirked at her as he shoved handfuls into his mouth and she shhed him as she tried to watch the upcoming movies. She felt her heart warm with him by her side being a goofy little kid, it was nice for something so innocent to be happening when she felt like her life was everything but. Then her heart stopped and went cold. It couldn't be.

But there she was. Jane was sitting three rows in front of them, her arm wrapped around the neck of some girl and her head nuzzled into her neck. She was such a womaniser! Everlyn glanced up at James, he hadn't noticed them and he wouldn't, he was too invested in the popcorn and the trailers. She looked back at Jane and thought spiteful things, she needed to replace the glimmer of love with rage just so she'd get over her easier.

So she thought of that Christmas.

On Christmas Eve, Everlyn and Jane made out in a pub bathroom. Jane was sliding her hand up Everlyn's blouse while Everlyn tugged softly at Jane's lip with her own, this was all happening while James sat at the bar with his parents and Everlyn's family. It was something about the way Everlyn felt like she couldn't get close enough to Jane that made her pull away. It wasn't just old feelings anymore, the feelings she felt for Jane outstripped the ones she felt for James and she couldn't deny that anymore. 

"Stop, stop," Everlyn muttered as she pulled away from Jane.

"What? What's wrong?" Jane asked quickly, pulling away from Everlyn straight away and looking into her eyes deeply with panic that she'd hurt her. 

Everlyn walked away from her to the other side of the bathroom, she leant against the wall and stared at Jane. Jane was worried, she'd never seen Everlyn act this way in the 14 years that they'd known each other. Yeah, she was a quiet person, but not as quiet as she was being, especially around Jane. 

"What's wrong?" Jane repeated, the panic she was feeling rising into her voice.

"I can't do this anymore."

Jane's shock came through in the form of laughter, it didn't make sense, surely Everlyn was pulling her leg.

"Yeah, funny. Come on, I want to a least have one orgasm before I go back out there." Jane moved towards Everlyn.

"I'm serious, Jane."

Jane stopped in her tracks, she wasn't going to let her heart be broken, she was too tough for it. She'd seen dead bodies, defended herself from drug riddled men, been to the rough parts of town, there was no way that Everlyn - just some girl in the scheme of things - was going to tip her over the edge. She smirked.

"What is it? I'm just too goddamn attractive?"

Everlyn bit her lip, the metallic of blood was becoming noticeable. She couldn't cry, Jane wouldn't know what to say to her.

"I can't, Jane, it's not fair to James."

Jane rolled her eyes. "We've been together for... for ages! It doesn't even count as cheating!"

"We've been together since we were 16, 7 years, and it does count."

"It only counts if there are feelings involved."

"Well there are!" Everlyn snapped and fixed Jane in a steely glare.

She'd crossed the unspoken rule, she'd admitted what Jane was too scared to admit, that she was in love with Everlyn. It was no longer just some childish experiment, it wasn't Everlyn trying to figure out what she liked while pretending to be boy crazy, it wasn't Jane just mucking around. There was emotion involved. 

Everlyn sighed. "I can't do it to James."

"Break up with him then," Jane said bluntly.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I love him."

Jane didn't roll her eyes, she didn't have enough sarcasm left to act unhurt. "And you don't love me?"

"Do you love me?" Everlyn asked straight away, there was silence in the following moments.

Jane sighed, she looked to her left into the mirror,  Everlyn followed her eyes and they made eye contact. It was easy for Jane to say what she said because it felt like she wasn't really looking at her. She snorted. "Of course not, you're my best friend, I don't love you in that way."

Everlyn nodded stiffly. "Then this should be easy for you." And she brushed past Jane and went back to the bar and cuddled into James.

Christmas Day was a disaster. As soon as 11 o'clock came, Jane pulled out the wine and made a point to get smashed before lunch so she wouldn't have to watch Everlyn and James together with a functioning mind. But in dulling herself, she lost the control of what came out her mouth.

At lunch, Jane sat opposite James and Everlyn holding her wine glass clumsily in her hand, Everlyn stared intensely down at her plate. It would only be so long before James asked why she wasn't being chummy with Jane, why they didn't go out the back together for some mysterious but believable reason. And when Everlyn laughed at something James said, Jane pulled herself up straight in her seat, something had snapped in her brain.

"Everlyn, do you remember being friends?" she'd slurred.

Everyone at the table snapped their attention to the black sheep of the family, Everlyn furrowed her eyebrows. 

"What?" she laughed with fake confusion.

"Do you remember being just friends?" Jane asked and raised an eyebrow in a suggestive way.

"Um..." Everlyn was having a hard time acting confused, she was a bad actor. 

"We used to sleep in the same bed and just sleep!" she appealed to the whole table, they were silent. Aunts, uncles, cousins and close friends all felt like they were intruding on the scandal of the family. 

"Jane, stop," Everlyn said quietly.

Jane took a sip from her wine. "Do you two just sleep?" She nodded between James and Everlyn.

"Jane," Michael hissed and made a swipe for his daughter's wine, but Jane pulled it out of his reach.

"Please, Father! I'm just letting brother dearest know what he's getting involved in, just incase he feels like perhaps they do too much just sleeping."

And Jane drained her wine glass, stood up, bowed and walked out of the house. It was so silent that they could hear her car start and drive out of the driveway. James glared at Everlyn, she was thinking fast of excuses that could be used on the way home.

And so as Everlyn sat in the theatre and stared at the back of Jane's head, she recalled the memory she'd hidden and went over and over it until she felt furious.