Little White Lies | Klaus Mikaelson (1)

Alaric

(Hi my little poopie doos 🥺🥺❤️ I'm editing this book at the moment so it's still a work in progress. Don't comment about it or I will cry a lot)

EMMA IS A BUMMER IN THE FIRST THREE CHAPTERS BUT PLEASE DINT LET THAT TURN YOU OFF BESTIES

(Also, you'll think there's a plot hole abt compulsion later in the book, but it's all explained in the second book)

(Klaus really enters the story in chapter 7)
~

Depression. It's a weird thing. A weird word. See, when you think of depression you think of sad people who've faced life's treachery one too many times. Or, perhaps, in too many ways. Whether it be a lost relative, a failing business, a stressful job, we all experience intense emotions whether we like it or not. Except, in my experience, nothing is as bad as depression.  Depression was much more than that. Once it sinks its claws into your delicate skin, it infects you. And if you're not careful, the infection can spread to your brain. To your heart. It will cripple you by the inside out until you find yourself completely frozen. By the time you notice your world crumbling, it's too late. You're already infected.

For me, it was just a constant feeling of disillusionment. Like nothing and no one really mattered. At, first, I wasn't suicidal. I was just... empty. I wasn't sad, I wasn't mad, I was just numb. But then, I let the pain in. Depression had made it into my head, whispering it's evilness and hatred into my ear. And by the time I noticed it, the evilness had spread. There was no going back. And when you get to that point, you may wonder what there is for you if you pull yourself back from the edge. Maybe that's what saved so many people. The difference for me, though, was that there was nothing to look back on. It was just me. It had always been just me.

So when I woke up every morning, I repeated the same actions. I did the same things. I forced the evilness down. And if I tried hard enough, I'd get to experience a tidbit of happiness. That exact happiness is why I got out of my bed in the morning. It was far and few, but those little moments had saved my lifetime and time again.

In some people's thinking, cutting is some crazy sadistic tendency. But no, it was more than that. When everything was out of my control, all the pain, all the people, I knew that it was in my head. If others controlled my mental pain, then what did I have to control? I was losing grip on my own life, and all I could do was sit back and watch. But I needed something to be in control of. I decided it would be my physical pain. No one can take that away from me.

--

I arrived at the Salvatore boarding house and scrambled to the door, trying to catch my breath as I placed my hands on my knees and breathed deeply. Finally, I stood back up, straightening out my clothes. You look like a slob. I plastered a smile on my face and brought my hand up to the door to knock.

Wait, no. I was close enough to them to not need to knock. I opened the door and stepped inside, letting out a sigh of relief as I closed it behind me. I felt all the stress in my body dissipate, followed by all my worries.

"Okay, just let yourself in then," Stefan mumbled from behind me.

I turned to him and smiled, raising my eyebrows, "Hey, you're the one who said let yourself in. I'm simply following your directions."

He shook his head with what sounded like a bewildered scoff. I felt a warm grin crawl across my face. That surge of happiness hit me like a wave, causing me to let out a sigh of content. Somehow Stefan had the ability to make everything okay when it was just the opposite.