friends with benefits

Chapter 11

The rest of the party was kind of awkward, but we managed.

When we got to the apartment, he walked upstairs, instead of down, much to my disappointment. I understood his reasoning. We needed time apart, which was impossible when we shared a bathroom and slept in the same bed every night. I sighed as I went to my room.

"We're not over, we're on a break." I reminded myself. I put on one of his hoodies I had stolen and fell onto my bed. "He doesn't hate me."

I brought my knees to my chest and before I knew it, I was sobbing.

I knew she would just fuck me up again.

-

I woke up before my alarm and dragged myself out of bed. I had work, and I couldn't skip because I was sad, I had rent to pay. I took a quick shower and got dressed.

I didn't even realize I was wearing one of his shirts until I looked in the mirror. That fact alone almost made me lose my entire resolve. I decided to hold strong and just change shirts and put on a hoodie. I slipped on my shoes, grabbed my keys and my wallet and left the apartment.

-

I was trying to look like I wasn't losing my shit, but I was miserable. I was at work, doing what I loved, I was a producer/director for a big youtuber. The staff knew I wasn't alright but I would brush them off.

-

I was finally done with work, the shoot ran longer than expected, the crew ended up throwing me a graduation party, it was pretty good.

I decided to head into my favorite book shop after work. I bought a black coffee and walked around for an hour. I felt somewhat at peace until my mind wandered to Milo. All because of a book I found titled "Milo".

"Fuck," I whispered, touching the book. Once I realized what I was doing I quickly pulled my hand away, causing a bunch of books to fall. I quickly started to pick them up and the only other person in the aisle quickly came over to help me.

"Are you alright?" They asked.

"Yeah. Thank you." I said absentmindedly. I held the "Milo" book to my chest as I drifted over to the check out counter. Something about the book told me I needed to purchase it.

-

After getting home, I immediately started reading the book. Something about it made me feel worse, but I knew I needed it. I knew I needed to give myself and Milo time, and the hurt I was feeling was ok, that I shouldn't push it down. So I allowed myself to cry, without feeling ashamed. I allowed myself to lean on someone for support, who just happened to be Nat when she got home. I allowed myself to mope around in his shirts and hoodies, and just think about things. And while I was mad at Milo at first, I started to understand why he needed space and respected him for that.

He still behaved somewhat rationally after what happened and did what was best for both of us. And soon, I came to terms with my feelings and genuinely labeled it. I knew I had told him it was love, but I wasn't sure yet, but I came to realize it was love. I was in love with Milo Dunn and everything about him.

-

I'm done mourning him. I told myself. I need to allow myself to grow if  I really want to be with him, meaning I have to give his clothes back, I can't grow if I'm still holding on to him.

I managed to convince myself I was right and threw every piece of clothing I had ever stolen from him in the wash, neglecting the shirt I had on. It was the only one I couldn't give up, it was the first one I ever stole from him after our first hook up. Giving up that shirt would mean giving up Milo, and I knew I couldn't do that because while I didn't depend on him for happiness, he did make my life better.

-

After a bit, the clothes were washed and dried and I folded them up and I placed them in his closet. I walked back to my room when I heard someone coming downstairs I decided it was nothing and plopped on my bed.

Millo's P.OV.

"I got those clothes you asked for," Benji announced, walking into my room.

"Thanks, man." I stood up to grab them and noticed what they were. The sight made me sigh, pull the hood of my hoodie over my head and tightened the strings. I allowed myself to fall back onto the bed with a groan.

"What? What'd I do?" Benji asked. When I didn't answer, he called for back up. "Nat!"

"What- oh." She said, walking in. "What happened?"

I sat up on the bed, letting the hood fall. "She's giving up on me," I announced, putting my head in my hands.

"What do you mean?" She pressed, sitting next to me.

"The clothes Benji's holding," I started and took a deep breath. Nat wrapped an arm around me and pulled me close and I continued. "That's all the clothes she stole from me."

Nat gently pulled my head on her shoulder and continued to console me.

"It doesn't necessarily mean that Milo."

"I told her we needed a break to figure things out, it's been weeks maybe I kept her waiting too long and she met someone else." I put my hands over my face again and fell back on the bed.

"She knows you have feelings for her," Nat began.

"I'm in love with her, but continue."

"She said she has feelings for you, right?"

"Yes."

"Then you've got to know that it probably took her at least two years to realize and accept it, and now that she has, you're all that she wants."

"Then why did she do that?"

"I don't know, I'll talk to her." Nat stood up and started to walk away.

"WHAT? NAT NO!"

-

Jayden's P.O.V.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" Nat demanded. "HE THINKS YOU'RE GIVING UP ON HIM?"

"Fuck. That's not what I meant."

"GO TALK TO HIM DUMBASS!"