Run Away

Ch 56

Everything was dark, Micky walked around, looking for something, anything. She knew it was a dream and she knew she could control what she wanted to happen, but she didn't want to, her guilt made her punish herself by thinking of the ways she would kill the team. Lightning them on fire, creating an earthquake, throwing rocks at them, taking away their air, breaking their necks, making them turn against each other. She repeated them, invented more, and every time she felt worse, she felt like a danger. Then again, she knew she was also the only one who could protect them, she didn't know who else could help them. It was a heavy burden to carry by herself.

Moving around, she finally woke up, her jaw was clenched, she wasn't happy with herself, part of her wanted to just disappear so she couldn't be used against her friends. She decided to try with warm milk again, so she went to the kitchen to get it. She tried to be as quiet as possible to not wake anyone up, she didn't need to burden anyone else. She needed to find a solution to the problem, the problem that was her.

She prepared the warm milk with a bit of vanilla and sugar, the smell had already relaxed her, but she still wasn't calm. She didn't go back to her room, she stayed in the living room, reading some notes on the research of everyone. Bruce and Tony had found an old vase from Babylonian times, they were working on getting it sent to them, of picking it up if it was faster. Lydia and Natasha found some rituals that could work, but none specific.

Micky was tired of waiting, of not being sure. She decided to test her ability. Taking a deep breath, she grabbed the book. She sat down on the couch and closer her eyes. She let her hands open the book and her finger slip through different pages, she felt a sudden interest then in a number, number 9. She counted the pages, when she reached the ninth page, she opened her eyes.

She had found it, she found the binding spell. She took a shaky breath, not believing it had worked.

"You found it?" She felt a chill from the sudden voice, but didn't show it, she looked up to find Natasha in front of her. She nodded to answer Natasha's question. "Can we do it?"

"We can, anyone that's not a supernatural creature can." Micky answered.

"Great, we'll tell everyone in the morning. We should sleep now." Natasha said gesturing for Micky to go to the elevator with her. Micky didn't move, she stayed sitting and looked back to the book, she still wasn't ready to go back to sleep.

"I rather stay a bit more." Micky said. Natasha could tell Micky wasn't comfortable, she knew the feeling herself, not being comfortable in your own body.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Natasha asked, stepping closer to Micky. Micky pressed her lips tight, considering the option.

"I-" she caught herself, not knowing how to communicate her feelings. "I just don't like being a problem." Natasha sat next to her. "I always wanted to not be the weak one of the group. I hated not being able to help in the pack, back in high school I guided, but I hated not being in danger while the rest of my friends were. Now I am the one putting by friends in danger, and I hate that even more."

"You can't blame yourself for this." Natasha said. "The one ones at fault are that witch and that demon."

"Why me?" Micky finally asked, tears forming in her eyes. "I rather die than cause this much trouble to everyone."

"Don't say that." Nat said. "You are needed, you brother and your father need you. Bucky needs you. We are all important for someone."

"What if what is needed is for me to... just... vanish?" Micky asked. Nat stayed quiet.

"I can't answer that." She replied. "I know what it feels like to have guilt consuming you, I learnt that you're the only one who can control how you feel."

"How?"

"Well, some just ignore them or justify their actions, but somehow I know that that won't work for you." Nat said with a little smile. "Think of the good deeds. What you can do to make it better."

"And what can I do now?"

"Teach us." Nat suggested. "Teach us and help us do our jobs." Micky nodded.

"Nat, I need to ask a favor."

"Anything" Nat said with a shrug.

"If I... If I go evil," Micky bit her lips, preparing herself to ask what she needed. "Kill me." Natasha felt like she was slapped in the face, her body went cold. "I think you're the only one that could do it, and I know it is too much, but I rather die than risk hurting any of you."

"Mikeyla, I can't do that. Even if you go evil, we'll find a way to get you back." Nat insisted. Micky shook her head.

"No. It's too risky." Micky said. "If Zagan gets to me, getting rid of me will be the only choice. Please." Natasha hesitated.

"Bucky will kill me, and so will you pack." Natasha said.

"They won't." Micky said with confidence. "I'll write letters for them, for all of them. They'll understand." Micky looked at Natasha with despair in her eyes. Finally, Natasha nodded.

"Ok." She said "Fine, if you go evil, I'll take care of it." She said.

"Thank you." Micky said with a smile, thinking Natasha would do what needed to be done. Natasha thought Micky hadn't listen to Natasha's words. Natasha never promised to kill Mikeyla, because she knew she wouldn't be able to do it. Still, Micky had a plan B, she knew someone who wouldn't hesitate to kill her, and she was already planning on how to reach him.