in and out of love

eleven

Sorry this is short and ugly, I swear.

<•>

"Why'd you run away?" Cody asks, shutting the front door of his house rather loudly.

Harry was seated on the couch, switching channels, he's so upset. He didn't like Louis and the other guy kissing. He didn't like it all. He's trying so hard to convince himself that it's not jealousy, but it is.

"I didn't want to be there anymore." Harry huffs. Cody sighs and sits beside him.

"You know, I didn't like it either." Cody says, grabbing Harry's attention onto him from the television.

"Why?"

"The guy Louis was kissing-"

"Is your ex husband, Neville." Harry finishes, his mouth agape. Cody nods and rubs his temple to decrease his headache.

"Great."

"Harry."

"Yeah?"

"Do you- Do you still love Louis? Think about it. I really don't need an immediate answer, just think thoroughly. Alright?"

"Cod, I told you right? I love you,"

"No, you don't Harry, if you didn't love Louis then you wouldn't mind if he snogged someone else. You should've seen your face. Harry, just think, we can't be in a fucking relationship if we continue to being like this."

That set Harry's mind to thinking. He always sees Louis in his future, always. He always thinks about Louis' well being throughout the day even though he knows he's living with two of his best friends who protect him with all they have. Harry misses Louis, he really does and he doesn't know why he's convincing himself otherwise. Harry misses Kate, he misses their family time, he missed how perfect their little, cute family was, he misses his and Louis' non sensible talks, their awkwardness, their soft touches, sloppy kisses, cuddles, movie nights and bunch of other little things but mostly he just really fucking misses Louis and he didn't even have the guts to visit him once in the past three months because he was afraid.

"I- I don't know." Harry mumbles.

"Exactly. Until one minute ago, you were so sure that you love me but when I asked you about Louis again, you don't know. Stop forcing yourself to love me, Harry, you cannot and will not love anyone else more than you love Louis."

Harry nods, his head down, tears are pooling up in his eyes thinking about how much of a horrible human he was to Louis, treating him like dirt, not giving their breaking marriage a chance, he didn't even think about their beautiful daughter who deserves the world. Harry despises himself so much.

"But, he's happy now, he's taken."

"Harry," Cody says, placing a hand on his back. "Give it a shot, keep trying, we were fun but this can't continue, I like you but it was always you who told that you loved me, if you noticed."

"Yeah,"

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too, fuck, Cody, I'm so sorry, I used you to get over my frustration, that is so fucking horrible. I'm horrible." Harry cries.

Cody doesn't say anything instead he continues rubbing Harry's back to calm him down.

"I need to see my baby."

"Which baby are you talking about? Louis or Katherine."

Harry laughs at that. "How are you still cool about this?"

"Because I always thought you'll leave as soon as you get your senses back so I prepared myself. Even I need to work on getting my love back."

"Neville?"

"Hmm, I still love him you know, that's the reason I couldn't go any further than fucking with you, he was always on my mind and when you moved into my flat I couldn't help but feel a bit guilty, like, it wasn't him who's with me and it felt so awkward."

"If we've thought before we acted then there wouldn't be any of this heavy mess."

"Yeah."