in and out of love

sixteen

Louis wrapped his hands around his waist, broken sobs emitting out of his mouth, agonisingly. He is utterly torn after reading the letter, he doesn't know what to do anymore. He doesn't know if he should go back to Harry- kiss him and tell him it's alright or just slap him right across his face for acting like a literal jerk.

Fuck Harry, fuck everything about him, Louis thinks looking at his glistening silver wedding ring.

Louis decided to suck it up and talk to Harry, they should face each other one day or another, at least for the sake of Kate, right? right.

He wiped those tears off his face with the back of his hand and padded towards towards the bathroom. He took a look at his reflection and tried looking presentable even though his eyes look dead grey and his body is slumped down as if he has a big rock on his shoulders.

Louis then went into Kate's tiny room and smiled a little when he saw her sleeping, sprawled on the floor, sucking on her thumb. He got down and gathered her up into his arms, kissing her growing brown hair multiple times. "I love you." He whispers.

He grabbed his wallet and stepped out of his apartment to head over to Liam's so that he could look after her while he sorts it out with Harry. And he's contemplating a bit because Louis is not willing to face Harry.

-

Louis knocked on their house door a couple times, but no response, he tried turning the knob and it opened. He stepped inside and entered the unlit house and scrunched his nose almost immediately smelling the odour which smells like beer, cigarettes and perished food. He just stood there, in the living room after switching the lights on, his eyes wandering around looking at the mess.

Broken glass objects, broken beer bottles ( more than 20 of them ), the television is cracked horribly. The silence made Louis queasy and he's wondering if Harry is even home.

"Louis?"

And Harry's voice never fails to make Louis weak in the knees, his heart started beating faster when he saw Harry five meters in front of him, looking good as always but he looked so stressed, so dejected, it was so unlike him.

"You came." Harry sounded astonished, his eyes travelling up and down Louis' body which made Louis want to curl up because he still feels so self conscious and insecure.

Louis nods, "I did."

Harry chuckled quietly looking down at his feet, "I thought you gave up," he says softly, looking at Louis.

"We should talk." Louis says.

Harry gestures towards the dining table, and they both sit opposite to each other, still feeling very awkward to even glance at each other.

"How are you?" Louis asks, clasping his hands on the table, while Harry has his placed on his lap.

"Lost." Harry answers, his voice a bit shaky. "How are you?" He asks, clearing his throat.

"Alright, I guess."

"That's nice."

"Harry, I know you wrote a letter explaining things but I can't."

"You can't? You can't what?" Harry asks, his eyes wide and his eyes are already glossy, Louis can feel himself tearing up.

"I can't be with you."

"Lou, please-"

"You fucked up, you messed me up. Harry, you know how sensitive I am, you know how I take everything to me, and your words, they keep playing in my head."

"I know, Lou, damnit I know, please just give me one last chance, I am so fucked up without you. Louis, I love you, I love you so much and I'm so sorry. I'll do anything, like, anything to gain your trust back." Harry cries.

Louis can feel the desperation in Harry's voice, his eyes scream sincerity, pain and love but what if they get together again and Harry does the same? That is keeping Louis from giving Harry one more chance.

Harry reached out for Louis' hands but got rejected by a flinch.

"I don't know.." Louis mutters, stealing a glance at Harry for a second.

"You wanted a break from me, didn't you?" Louis asks, "You got tired of me, you wanted someone fresh, right?"

"No. Fuck, Louis, no." Harry's answer was instant.

"Then why didn't you talk to me? Why'd you have to go and fuck him, Harry? Do you have any clue how it feels when the person you love, your husband goes and fucks random people just because he wasn't getting any attention. Do you know how fucking stupid that sounds?" Louis yells, he can feel his tears threatening to slip any moment.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Louis but please don't leave me, I don't think I can handle it."

"Harry, you can come and see Kate if you want to,"

"Lou,"

"We won't work anymore even if we get back together, it's just not possible, I don't know if you can gain my trust ever again. I love you, more than anything."

"Don't say that," Harry cries.

Louis was already in the process of taking off his wedding ring and placing it on the table. He left the house without a glance and a word to Harry.