Catch Me When I Fall (h.g.)

Chapter 36

Hayes' POV-

It feels like I've been living in my room for the past month. Probably because I have. I only leave my bed to eat and go to the bathroom. My mom practically forces me into the shower every day which is mostly me just standing against the wall and letting the water cascade down my body. 

As much as it hurts, I can't stop thinking about her. I never thought we would end up here. I was so confident we would make it. It pains me to think that she was having doubts about us. After everything, I still know she's it for me. I will never be able to love anyone the way I love her. No one will ever take her place. I fell in love with her the second I saw her. Coach Lockhart immediately became my favorite teacher because he sat me right in front of her.

I, somehow, was able to ask her calmly if she could show me around the school. I thought it was so cute how quickly she walked to the stairs, forgetting she promised to show me where my next class was. From then on, I wanted to know everything about her.  

I use to believe that the perfect person didn't exist until I met her. Every single quality about her made me fall more in love with her. After everything, I still love her. Nothing will ever stop me from doing so.

I miss hearing her sing along to whatever song was playing. I miss how excited she would get over little things. I miss being able to talk to her about literally anything. I always felt safe telling her what I was thinking or how I felt. I was never afraid of her judging me or thinking I was less of a man for not having everything together. She always comforted me and let me explain what I was feeling and made me feel secure in those feelings. A lot of guys think they can't get emotional or cry about something that upsets them, but she reassured me that it was okay if there were moments when I wasn't okay. I didn't feel like I had to hide what I felt from her because she would validate and understand me. 

I miss her sense of humor. It's a mixture of dumb dad jokes and puns and random sexual innuendos that never ceased to make me laugh. She seemed so innocent when I first met her, but she has a side to her that no one but me and her family is able to see. 

She's so much smarter than she thinks. She's one of those rare kinds of people who can learn from just observing or listening to someone else's experiences. She absorbs so much information, and she always thinks through everything with logic and reason. I noticed numerous times when she started to overthink a lot of things. Sometimes, she thinks too much and gets in her head. I always made sure she felt safe enough to tell me anything. I never tried to give her advice or fix her problems because I knew she just wanted to talk things out and settle her thoughts and/or emotions. 

I miss seeing how her hair flows effortlessly down her shoulders and the way she can throw it into a messy ponytail or bun and still look perfect. Her hazel eyes that lit up every time she saw me. I miss kissing her cute little nose and her dark pink lips. I miss the way my hands would easily slide over her soft, delicate skin. I try to hug my pillow, imagining it's her, but nothing can compare to her warmth and the way she fit perfectly into my side. She was literally my missing puzzle piece, and now, I've lost her.

Wrapping my arms around her waist was one of the best feelings. Despite how much I told her and showed how much I loved her and her body, she still never liked how her hips always seem to show or "jut out" as she would say, and she would always try to cover them. Whenever she let me, I couldn't help but run my hands over her body, memorizing every dip and curve. 

I miss the way she always had to look up at me because of how short she is. It was so easy to cradle her in my arms and hold her close to me. She would rest her head against my chest, and sometimes, she would drift off into a peaceful, deep sleep. My chest aches from longer being able to hold her anymore.