Sorry, I Just Can't Fall In Love || Jung Jaehyun || NCT

Pt. 11 Getting hurt

Your P.O.V.

"Yes, I like you , y/n manager-nim"....

So I was right, he likes me,

The room was filled with silence and awkwardness as we both didn't know what to say. We just kept staring at each other .... Not knowing what to say.

Just then the doctor came inside and we both shifted our focus towards him.

"Yeah so as I was saying earlier, Y/n-ssi, you need to take care of your arm and avoid straining it. You can take help of your boyfriend." The doctor said and looked at Jaehyun. Well thanks doctor for making the situation more awkward then already it was.

"Actually he's not-" "yeah I'll take care of her" I was cut by Jaehyun. God did I accept him? Then why's he acting as if he's my bf?

We three stood up and greeted each other and Jaehyun and I left.

In the car

Assistant Kang was driving us to the dorm. Obviously, the car ride was awkward. Neither Jaehyun nor me said anything because Mr. Kang is there and we can't leak a kpop idol's "love life" so carelessly.

Although I wanted to say, Alot. I was just waiting for us to reach the dorm.

We reached the dorm and thanked Mr. Kang. We got off the car and walked inside.

When we reached in front of the doors of our houses, I started opening the door and Jaehyun was standing there instructing me.

"You need to take care of yourself, I'm only one call away, just call me for whatever-" he was cutoff by me pulling him inside my house rapidly and closing the door so that I could talk to him.

"What did you say earlier?" I asked him.

"You heard me." He said walking calmly towards the couch and sitting on it. Playing it cool ha?

I walked to the couch and sat next to him and spoke "You like me? ME? First of all, I'm ugly, second, I'm your manager, MANAGER do you get it? You can't fall in love with me."

"What's wrong with you being my MANAGER. You're manager, not Osama bin laden. I CAN like you" he said while sitting up straight.

"Ok then let me tell you straight up. I don't like you. I mean yes, in a friendly manner I like you a lot, but as a lover, I just don't.... I don't think so that I'll ever be able to" I said to him.

"But why? We both hung out so many times, how can you not like ME? Like, just look at me, and more over just give me a chance. I'll make sure you start liking me." He said desperately.

"Yeah I mean if you mean in a physical way, sure you're attractive, but I don't have feeling for you Jaehyun. Sorry" I said.

"Just give me one chance"

"It's not about chance Jaehyun....
I......I just can't fall in love! Not with you, nor with anybody else. And I don't want to hurt you by coming into a relationship with you even though I have zero feelings for you. I just don't feel it. Love? Idk what's that. So please just.....just get rid of your feelings as soon as possible ,.......because it's only going to hurt you." I said getting furious but softer towards the end.

He looked up at me in confusion, and  being hurt, exactly what I didn't want to see.

"Did I do something wrong? Did I piss you off or something? Or do you like someone else from our group? Just...please tell me." He said tearing up.

"Jaehyun, I'm sorry, but I'm not what you're looking for. I won't love you. I'm selfish and you would only get hurt. Please. I don't like anyone else I promise you I won't get into a relationship. You're such a nice guy why would I say no to you but I don't feel that way. Please..........just please understand me." I said while controlling my own tears. I hate to hurt him but, it's for his own good.

"Okay, but just don't tell me to get rid of my feelings again. Let me be miserable cause I'm allowed to feel what I want. I'll get going." He said weakly and went out of my house.

I wiped my tears, as I closed the door. I hope he stops his feelings soon because I don't want Jaehyun to suffer like him.

I sat on the couch, as memories of my past relationship come up. Memories of my ex ......Namjoon. And the time period when we grew weak and broke up....

We were together for 1 year, I liked him, at least I thought that way, but slowly I started feeling burdened, by his sweetness, and everything he did for me. Maybe I don't like him as much as he does, or maybe I'm just into him... physically?

Days passed and I came to realise everything even more, and felt like I've been playing with him all this time, I blamed myself everyday, quietly. And maybe he noticed it.

He loved me so much, that he could literally die for me. But I never felt such strong emotions, and hurt him so many times by calling him oversensitive, and that's when I decided that I don't deserve someone like him.

I broke up with him on our first anniversary, yes, I was heartless but I couldn't take it all anymore. I couldn't live like that, blaming myself, and I couldn't keep using him. He cried, Alot , he begged me to stay. But for him and for myself, I had to leave him.

So yeah in short I'm a selfish heartless bitch who doesn't fall in love. What is love anyways? Caring for someone? I don't think I ever did that....

I have crushes, but I know they are shallow and only based on looks, and I can sleep with people, but I can't......
fall in love........

***

Hope you enjoyed guys, cause the story's getting to the main part...