Gwilym Lee Imagines

Moment to Moment

TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions death of a person close to reader (not Gwilym). Please, if you don't want to read, skip to the next chapter where I'll have a small summary.

I remember when the saying "Gwilym and I" never used to be used positively. He and I had met at University and I had never fought with someone as much as I had fought with him. Our fighting would always happen as a constant. Whenever we saw one another, we were bound to get into another fight. Whether it turned into a yelling match or just kept at snide comments was always on us.

Luckily after a few months of constantly being at one another's throats, we finally got our heads out of our asses and realized that we actually really liked one another. Sure, we realized it after the night when we were at a party, drunk as fuck and making out in the corner of the room, which also made things a little awkward when we saw each other the next day, but at least we recognized our attraction towards each other.

We have now been dating for 5 years, which is actually the longest relationship I've ever been in. It's also the best one I've ever been in. He's definitely the Ben to my Leslie, the Jim to my Pam. We've always supported one another with our careers, our ideas and our goals. We've always just been there. We could handle anything that was thrown our way. And by anything, I mean when girls and guys try and throw themselves at us, try and split us apart, we always remain close to one another. However, sometimes people just can't seem to take a hint. Even when I'm practically dry humping my boyfriend in front of them, they always seem to think that they can do it better. 

And yes, sometimes these moments could turn into fights when we get home. I mean, we still fight all the time, but those fights can turn into the most amazing angry sex ever. Let's just say we forget what we were fighting about by the time morning comes. And no, no one else could ever do it better than Gwilym. 

So yeah, I wouldn't trade any of these moments for the world because they were moments that I spent with someone who made me happy, who made me feel like I was worth something, who I love. Which makes it all the more harder to do what I'm about to do.

"Gwilym, we need to talk." I say, walking into our room where Gwilym is sitting on our bed, legs stretched out, looking relaxed and so good. He looks at me and closes the laptop that was on his lap, setting it aside. I sit at the corner of our bed, slightly uncomfortable as I try and figure out where to even start. He just sits there and waits patiently.

"I've been demoted at work." I can't look at Gwilym anymore, so I look down, but he immediately leans forward to hold my hand in his. A sign of support.

"Honey, what happened?" He asks in a sweet tone.

"They- ah - they said that since my mothers passing, I haven't been concentrating as much. That I've been distracted. That I've changed." I take a deep, shaky breath before I carry on. "And that got me thinking. Gwil, I have changed and not in a healthy way." I force myself to look up at him, but I can't seem to decipher his emotions.

"My mum was the closest person to me. She was like my best friend. I went to her with everything and she always accepted and supported me." I can't help it as tears start rolling down my cheeks and my heart beats painfully in my chest, reminding me of what I have lost. "And now that she's gone, I honestly don't know how to live without her." Gwilym reaches out to bring me into a hug, but I lean away, putting my hand out to stop him. "No, no, I need to say this. I need to say it before I lose my nerve." He pulls back slowly, as if unsure whether to obey.

"Since then," I carry on, "I've pushed you away, and I'm sorry. I've pushed everyone away. I know that. Even when you tried to help me, because I know you saw the change in me, I still kept you away. I pushed everything away that made me even a little bit happy and I've just been sad, all the bloody time, just a shell. Gwilym, I have to try and find my happiness again. Do the things that make me happy by myself-" I break off, tears flowing like a fountain and Gwilym immediately reaches out to cup my face. He wipes the tears away, and that's when I see tears falling down his face, too. I don't know how, but I can feel my heart crumble even more seeing this.

"Shh." He says in a quiet, tender but slightly broken voice. "It's okay."

"No, it's not okay, Gwil." I deny.

"Yes, it is." He persists. "Because I want you to know that I'll always be here for you and support you in any way that you need it." 

"Gwilym, can't you see that I'm trying to break up with you?" A few more tears fall from both of our faces, but he still looks at me just as tenderly.

"I know, and I understand. I really don't like it, but I understand because I love you."

"I love you too. But I'm so sorry, I just really need to focus on myself right now." I sniffle before I close the gap, giving him one last kiss. "Good-bye Gwilym."