Better Than I Know Myself

Chapter Ten

(Adrian's POV)

Oh my god, what is happening to me? I ask myself as I sit in my car outside my house. What the hell am I thinking touching Jesse's face like that? Oh my god, now he thinks I'm such a freak, but he didn't push me away. He really is a nice guy then, and now it really is going to be impossible to hate him. I close my eyes; I don't need this right now. Things with Hector are complicated enough; I don't need to add to it by falling for the straight guy. Why did he have to stand up for me? It would have been easier if he had just ignored them bullying me.

My phone rings, that could only be one person calling me and for the first time I am dreading answering.

"Hey Hector," I sigh.

His calls are always to apologize for not sticking up for me and how it kills him he can't. For me not to worry, soon he will be able to and we won't have to hide our relationship. They are just empty apologizes and promises, that he has been telling me for the past three years. Three years, I have kept my relationship with Hector a secret. Three years, I had to lie to my best friend until she found out a few months ago. Three years, I have wasted falling deeper in love with a guy that might never come out and all I am ever going to be to him is his dirty little secret.

"Hey jelly bean," Hector whispers.

He only calls me that when he is feeling extra guilty about what happens. I guess him having to see another guy stand up for me wasn't helping.

"You want to meet up after my game and I can treat you to dinner." He asks.

Dinner out in public, but in a place we will never run into anyone we know. But it is still us out together in public; it is better than having to be behind closed doors. He rarely ever takes me out and only does when he knows he needs to make it up to me. Part of me is excited to finally go out on a real date in so long, but another part of me just wants to stay home. My mind is just too occupied about Jesse. There is something about him, I want to hate him, but at the same time I want him to be closer to me. Maybe Jane is right, I just need to get to know him. I really don't know what straight guy would stand up for the gay kid, and then get hit in the process.

"Yeah sure, meet you at our usual spot?" I ask.

"Yes, I will see you later then jelly bean." I sigh as the line goes dead.

I should have said no, he is going to know something is bothering me. That is one thing I don't want him to find out, he doesn't need to know about me crushing on the straight guy that stood up for me. Nothing good will come out of this if Hector finds out.

I am sitting in my car in the parking lot of the mall, waiting for Hector to show up. Once he shows up, I will move over to the passenger side, so Hector can drive us to the restaurant of his choice. I look down at my phone; Jane has been texting to ask about what happened in gym class. It was like this every time and every time she would jump on me about not telling Hector anything. She just doesn't understand he will lose a lot if he comes out.

Knocking on the window snaps me out of my thoughts. I look at the window and see Hector smiling at me. I unlock the door and move over to the passenger's side. Hector gets in and leans over to kiss me.

"Hey jellybean, how is your head?" Hector asks as he pushes my hair back.

"It's fine my head doesn't even hurt anymore." I give him a small smile and he nods his head. "So where are we going?" I ask as Hector puts the car in gear.

"If I told you it would just ruin the surprise, but you're going to love it. By the way do you mind if we stay out late?" He asks, it could only mean one of two things. The restaurant in far away or he has plans of hooking up after dinner.