Don't You Worry About The Distance

Chapter 28

Vic’s POV

After my phone call with Kellin and the small chat I had with Mike, I was feeling more optimistic about the future. It was going to take a lot, and I mean a lot of convincing, begging, and pleading to get Kellin to take me back, but I suppose that’s what you do when you’re in love with someone and I wasn’t going to give up that easily. I already made that mistake once.

Ideas were already starting to form in my head. Last night, a majority of my time was spent picturing different scenarios and the outcomes. The good ones, Kellin forgave me and we could move on, be happy together and I’d move home permanently. The bad, he ended things for good and I took my few belongings and hopped on a plane back to New York. I didn’t know what I would say to him. Honestly, I had tried writing speech after speech, but these sorts of things can’t be planned; you have to be in the moment, the words need to be heartfelt and sincere. I’m sure it would all come rushing to me the moment I saw his crystal blue eyes in person again.

These were the thoughts running through my head as I left my apartment the next morning. Only one destination was in my sights as I made my way to the subway station, and that was Alex’s apartment. It felt like a break up, to be honest, even though it wasn't like that at all. I was ending a fling…and a friendship. I think that's what hurt the most. I wasn't upset about calling this off because it was never what I wanted. He was never who I wanted, but like I said before, we were friends. And I was definitely going to miss that.

Alex and Rian were the first ones I became close to when I first arrived at the firm. Sure, Mr. Sweeney told them to show me the ropes, but they quickly became my best friends out here. I appreciated their company. Going out with them after long, tedious days at the office let me feel relaxed and I was never alone, which was what I feared the most.

Instead of being alone, however, I got too close. I can still remember the conversation I had with Kellin the morning after he got here. We had a perfect night, rudely interrupted by Alex. Warning sign number one, now that I think about it. Kellin was so worried something would happen between Alex and me, but I assured him I was loyal. He straight up asked me not to get too close and I made a promise to him. Back then, I meant every word; I truly believed I would be faithful. Kellin was always it for me.

My stupidity in my drunken state got the best of me and I've dwelled on it, analyzed it, and let it swirl around in my mind for longer than I would have liked. That's why I was doing this. Sitting on my ass and waiting wasn't going to bring the love of my life back. I had to make the first move and just swallow my pride. No matter how difficult it became.

Sitting on the Subway, my leg bounced up and down in a fit of nerves. A burning sensation on my skin alerted me to the fact that I had been mindlessly scratching at the same spot on my neck for far longer than I had intended. I didn’t understand why I felt this way, the only thing I could possibly deduce it to being Alex’s reaction. Would he be mad? What about sad? There’s always a possibility he couldn’t care, and only saw this is a useless affair, just like I did.

Whatever his reaction may be, I wouldn’t let that stop me. This was going to end and then it would never be spoken of again. Even if Kellin never takes me back and I make the decision to stay here in New York, Alex and I are done for good. We’ll be co-workers, acquaintances and I’ll wish him a happy holiday when the time comes, but nothing more.

In the chance that Kellin does agree to be with me, he can never find out. He’ll be crushed. He’d be crushed right now and we’re not even together.

I nodded my head as if to solidify my decisions, standing up when my stop finally approached. Inhaling and exhaling, I calmed down only slightly. The walk from the subway station to his apartment wasn’t much of a stretch, but I knew that given the shortest amount of time, I’d still throw myself into a tizzy so I had to keep my thoughts occupied.

As my gaze wandered around the scenery passing by, I could not believe that it was already April and that in just over a month, I’d be finishing my internship. If they offered me a job, I wouldn’t know what to say. Turning it down could be costly, I mean, this is what I’ve always wanted. Some fancy job at a nice law firm, an incredible boss who is understanding and treats me like I’m God’s greatest gift to law, and enough money to not only support myself, but also have a life. Yet, all of that couldn’t compare. I wanted that sassy little shït stowed away in California more.

Before I knew it and much, much too quickly for my liking, I was approaching the limestone building I had become sickeningly familiar with these past few weeks. He lived better than most of us that was for sure. The apartments more like mini estates compared to my shoddy living space. Alex was blessed with a library and a gallery. I had a utility closet that I could barely fit a vacuum cleaner in.

I rounded the sidewalk, the canopied entrance way coming into view immediately. I swallowed hard and shoved my hands in my pockets, feet slowly shuffling forward on the carpeted walkway. The doorman recognized me instantly, placing the front of his hat between his thumb and index finger, giving me a nod and welcoming me in. He was always so kind to me, but this would be the last time I’d ever see him.

I wasted no time in getting into that elevator. I wasn’t afraid that I would back down; I was just concerned with how everything would play out. What if Alex became so bitter he did something that would ruin my chances? I wouldn’t put it past him. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion the second I stepped off of the contraption, gliding my way down the hall to the sleek looking door. I was about to turn the handle when I heard a few muffled noises, sounds that didn’t really register with me until I pressed my ear against door.

Oh, I knew what those sounds were. I had created a few here myself not too long ago. I chuckled and shook my head, twisting the knob and making my way in, going straight for the bedroom to make my presence known. The sounds grew louder as I got closer and my teeth quickly found the flesh of my bottom lip, dragging on the skin as I held back a laugh. I couldn’t believe this.

I threw open the door, a loud banging sound echoing throughout the room as it slammed against the wall, my eyes landing on the scene in front of me. Alex, panting and sweating hovered above some guy I had never seen before in my life. They were hidden under the sheets but the obnoxious sounds and panicked looks on their faces gave away exactly what they were doing.

A heavy laugh escaped me, my body nearly doubling over as I pieced it all together. Alex was quickly scrambling off of the other male, his flimsy sheet covering the lower part of his nude body.

“Vic, listen-” he tried in a frenzy, but I held my finger up to silence him.

“Oh, no,” I stopped laughing long enough to get my words out. “There’s nothing to listen to. I heard it all in the hallway. This one is very vocal.” I pointed to the exposed man on the bed, who was now desperately trying to cover himself with a pillow. I stepped closer, watching him do the opposite and scoot away from me in fear. I wasn’t going to hurt him, though.

Alex tried to intervene, but I placed my hand on his chest, feeling his body heat nearly burning to the touch. Shaking my head no and giving him a hard glare, I let him know that he needed to be quiet for a second so I could talk.

I moved closer to the bed once again, reaching my hand out and offering a smile. “Hi, I’m Vic. And you are?”

His eyes widened and a look of confusion traveled to his face. Judging from the way Alex reacted, I’d say this stranger thought we were boyfriends. He couldn’t have been more wrong.

“Uh, J-Jack,” he stuttered as red started to blossom on his cheeks.

“Nice to meet you,” I shook his hand briefly before I remembered where it had probably been and pulled away, shaking it in disgust. My attention turned back to Alex who was standing there with a pleading look on his face, though I’m not entirely sure why. I wasn’t mad at all; I wasn’t heartbroken. The only thing I felt was disgust. I should have known he’d be sleeping with someone else, but I suppose it’s my fault really for not asking. Thing is I like to be the only person someone is sleeping with, not because of possessive reasons or anything like that, but because I like to feel clean.

We used protection every single time, but I don’t know when he and this Jack guy hooked up. It could have happened on nights before I went to see him. The thought of him having his dick in another person before he fücked me was enough to make my stomach turn.

“This actually makes it easier,” I spoke bluntly. “This,” I motioned between him and myself, “is officially over.” Finally, I felt like I was free of a burden. It felt extremely good to say that.

“Vic, no,” Alex tried to grab my hand, but I swatted him away. I didn’t want him to touch me ever again. “Look is it because of him?” He pointed to Jack who was now sitting upright, pillow placed strategically in his lap which I was thankful for. “He means nothing to me!” Alex succeeded in grabbing my hands, both of them, meaning the pathetic sheet had slipped down exposing him. He yanked my body closer to his, his breath hot and heavy against my face. If he was trying to win me over, it wasn’t working. It would never work.

On the bed I heard Jack gasp and I felt bad. Alex had basically said he’d rather be with me than him.

“Oh, shut up, Jack. You knew what you were getting into with me,” Alex snapped but his grip on me didn’t let up. I had enough of this, pulling my hands out of his and letting them fall to my sides.

“This isn’t about you fücking him,” I retorted. “I don’t give a shït about what you do. This was never anything more than a product of loneliness. We were never going to be together, this was never going to turn into a relationship.”

“Baby,” Alex whispered and I lost it.

“I’m not your fücking baby, Alex! Why can’t you understand that?” I hissed. “You were my friend and you ruined my life. I know, I know, it takes two, but you really fücked me over.”

He was silent; jaw slacked as he listened to me pour out the hatred I’ve been holding in. If only he knew what I was really thinking. This was going easy on him.

“You can fück whoever you want, Alex,” I flung my hand in the direction of Jack. “But don’t hurt this poor guy like you hurt everyone else. And don’t call me, don’t text, when we’re at work you’re to only speak to me if it is in a professional manner about something work related. Is that understood?”

A look of sadness flashed within his eyes and for a brief moment I felt a pang of guilt. Maybe he did have stronger feelings for me than he had let on. All of that was quick to disappear though when his arrogant self came back. Lips formed into a smirk, he tucked the sheet around his waist again, then after crossing his arms.

“You’re going back to him, aren’t you?” There was an edge to his voice that I couldn’t quite make out. I didn’t want to respond to him either. Clenching my mouth shut, I ignored his question and stood there glaring instead. When I didn’t give in, Alex sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, his hand reaching back to take Jack’s.

“You’re pining over this kid, Vic, but he’s never going to take you back,” the bastard laughed. His voice sinister and disgusting, making me feel uncomfortable just being in the same room. “You’ve gotta use your brain, baby. Kellin doesn’t fücking want you.”

The look he gave me sliced right through me. He knew his words were having an effect on me. He was saying these things on purpose, trying to get me to break, or even give up. I watched him carefully, jaw still tight as ever. Once again he smirked, leaning into Jack’s inviting embrace. “And do you know why he doesn’t want you?”

I refused to answer, tearing my gaze away from the two men in front of me and staring longingly at the door, wondering why the fück I haven’t left yet. Alex must have sensed my discomfort because he spoke up again. “It’s because you’re a cheater, Vic. And nobody likes a cheater.”

Against my wishes, I felt my mouth twitch into a frown, tears threating their way out of the corners of my eyes. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry, though. It hurt coming from him. I knew Kellin didn’t want me anymore, but listening to someone else say it only made it that much worse. I wanted to yell and scream at Alex, punch him just like Kellin did that morning, but I refrained myself, using my words instead.

“You say no one likes a cheater, but you seem to be the exception to that rule, no?” I thought I was being clever.

“I like fücking cheaters, Vic. I like fücking you. I’m not sorry for what I did at all and given the chance,” he leaned away from Jack, body hunching forward, “I’d do it all over again.” He whispered that last part.

Without saying another word, I bolted out of his apartment, letting myself breakdown the second I was out of the same space as him. Why was this hurting me so much? Everything Alex said cut deep within me. Deep down I always thought there was a decent human being living behind a scumbag, but I was wrong.

I cannot believe that Alex was the one I chose over Kellin that night. Never in a million years would I ever believe that I would get involved with someone like him. I hated men like Alex Gaskarth and I let my life go to shït because of one.

If Kellin ever forgives me, it will be a miracle because at this point, I’m not sure I can even forgive myself.

-

It’s amazing how quickly a month goes by.

I finished my internship two days ago and spent the entirety of my free time packing up my apartment, just in case. Depending on how the next couple of days went I’d either come back and redecorate or have my things shipped back home. Of course, I was hoping for the second.

Waiting at the gate, my plane was set to board in only a few minutes. It was bittersweet leaving this place. New York was definitely an experience for me. I was given an incredible opportunity and much like I had anticipated, I was offered a job. My decision is pending. Aside from that, I’ve met some wonderful people. Tay and I have vowed to keep in touch and even Rian said he’ll call every now and then. I said goodbye to Alvin before leaving, buying a sandwich in the spring instead of his delicious winter hot chocolate. And, my boss promises to email me and keep me updated just as I have promised him my decision within the week.

I haven’t talked to Alex since that day at his apartment. He’s called, texted, basically done all of the things I instructed him not to do, but I ignored every single message. I was still hurting because of what he said, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me. Not anymore.

Mike was aware of my coming home today. Whether or not he told Kellin, I’m unsure of. Part of me hopes that he said something so that when I show up, it’s not a complete shock, but then again, I like the idea of a surprise.

God, Kellin. I couldn’t wait to see him again; to hug him if he’d let me. I wanted to see that brilliant smile, if he had the energy to muster one up. I just wanted to see him. I wanted to be with him so badly. I haven’t been the same since that day I broke his heart, but I’m hoping that I can fix this. I’m hoping that we can go back to the way things were. I would do anything to make that happen.

“Attention passengers. Flight 3098 to San Diego, California is now boarding. Business class passengers first, others may get into their respective lines. Please have your boarding passes ready.”

The announcement ended shortly and I shot up eagerly out of my seat, nearly sprinting towards the forming line. In just a matter of hours I’d be home. The warm San Diego air would envelop me once again and I’d be so much closer to Kellin.

I couldn’t wait.

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