Don't You Worry About The Distance

Chapter 30

Vic’s POV

Being in the same room as Kellin felt foreign to me now. Every emotion flooded through me as I stood here trying to process the events that happened from the moment I got here until now. To start, I was pissed. I didn't know what to expect when I walked through the door, but Kellin cuddled up next to that asshole on the couch was definitely not on the list of possible scenarios. They looked pretty fücking cozy, too. And Mike had the nerve to tell me they were "just friends"; I call bullshït. Something was happening, whether it was one sided or not, I didn't know.

Not only that, but the little exchange of I love you, tore right through me. Even if it was only meant in a friendly matter, a little piece of me died. I hated hearing him say that to someone else; it didn’t matter the context. If I didn't want to talk to him so much, I'd leave. I was so overwhelmed I didn't know where to start but once my anger subsided, I felt only sadness. Here I was, standing in my old apartment with my ex-boyfriend and instead of feeling any kind of happiness, I was terrified.

The sadness more prominent, I tried to keep my composure as I stood there awkwardly in a place I could no longer call my home. It was weird being here now. All I wanted to do was run up to him and wrap him in a hug, the tightest one I could muster until neither of us could breathe. I had missed him so much and now he's standing in front of me, albeit pissed off, but still. He was real. He was here.

The silence settled around us; I think both of us still unsure of what to say. Where exactly do we begin? He remained still in front me, lips sealed in a straight line as his glare burned onto my skin. I took this time to better look at him. Honestly, I thought I was a mess but Kellin didn't look like himself at all.

"You look different," I commented, finally breaking the silence and startling both of us. This sudden observation got me thinking though. He stared frozen for a minute before my words registered, which of course earned a scoff from him. He crossed his arms and gave me a dirty look.

"Well, that's an interesting way of saying that I look like shït," he snapped and turned to walk away from me, sitting back down on the couch where he was only moments ago with that guy. A million thoughts coursed through my mind about what else they could have possibly done on this piece of furniture and I flinched at the thought, the image of him and Matty with locked lips making my stomach turn.

Quickly, I flushed those thoughts from my mind. Those were things I did not want to think about, ever, and I had already waited too long to answer his statement. I didn't want him to think I was actually suggesting he looked bad. "No, I didn't mean-"

"Shut it, Victor." He cut me off before I could explain myself. This was unlike him, too. He was never this cold to me. The attitude he carried was slowly making me lose hope in fixing us.

If he would let me talk, I'd say I didn't mean that he looked bad, though I don't think I've ever seen him in a worse state, he really did look different. His eyes that were once a brilliant shade of blue looked dull and dim, like a burnt out star. His smile never reached his eyes, stopping just shy, actually. And the innocent look he used to carry on his face had turned hostile. This wasn't the guy I fell in love with. I didn't even know if he still existed, hidden behind this hard mask and the person to blame for that is me.

I sighed and cautiously approached him on the couch, making a motion to ask if I could join him. He rolled his eyes and grunted, throwing his arms up followed by, "I don't care."

I wasn't going to wait any longer. I sat down on the cushions, but kept a good bit of distance between us. He shifted uncomfortably and didn't bother to look at me, like if he did he'd break down. My eyes never left him, though. He looked tired and exhausted, but he was still my Kellin, just with longer hair. I liked it, though. It kind of worked on him.