Protect Her ~ supernatural / sam winchester

Twenty Four

Dani sat with her eyes closed as Cas searched her subconscious for any remnants of Naomi's... experiments? She still was not sure what to call what she had done.

She was just barely aware of Sam and Dean hovering around them. She could feel Cas's grace traveling through her mind, not invasive, just there. They were in the library, settled into a little reading nook Dani had used back when she would pace the space like a ghost waiting for a lead on her demon ancestor. Azazel. The name sent chills down her spine.

Finally, Cas stepped back. It felt as if Dani released a breath she did not realize she was holding.

"Everything's fine," he said. Sam and Dean visibly relaxed. Dani felt some of her own worry melt away, as well. Cas smiled slightly at her. "You seem to have shaken her hold completely."

Dani pressed her lips together in an answering smile. Cas hesitated for a moment before sitting in the armchair across from her.

"I know what it's like," he began slowly. Shocked, Dani's full attention snapped to him. His blue eyes were distant and his voice was soft. "Naomi did it to me once. She wanted me to... to kill Dean." Cas looked at him over Dani's shoulder. Dean clenched his jaw.

Dani glanced at the person she was meant to kill. Sam's eyes were still a little glassy from the tears shed at the gateway. Dani knew her own eyes were probably rimmed in red. Her heart strained as it had every time she looked at him since waking up.

That was what it felt like, anyway. It was the only way she could describe the feeling of suddenly realizing what she was about to do. She had never been more terrified than she was then. The sight of Sam, beaten and bloody, had startled her. But what truly scared her was the fact that she was the one who had done it.

She was not quite sure why she had started crying, out of happiness or out of shame. Perhaps that was why Castiel opened up to her now; because he had felt that shame before.

"I kept telling myself that I broke through it. I stopped myself. She didn't control me." His voice was hard, as if he were still convincing himself, now.

Dani held his gaze for a second, his blue eyes shining. Again, she nodded.

Dean looked from the two of them to his brother. "Cas, why don't we leave Dani and Sam alone for a sec?" he suggested.

With one last meaningful look to Dani, Castiel stood. Dean squeezed her shoulder. "It's good to have you back, Connaly."

Just like that, she and Sam were alone. Slowly, almost warily, Sam came around and sat across from her. The soft light from the reading lamp caught his hazel eyes like a kaleidoscope. Dani felt her heart break all over again.

"How're you feeling?" Sam asked, voice just above a whisper.

Dani took a slow breath in. "I'm... taking it one step at a time."

Sam's lips twitched in an attempt to smile. "That's good. That's good."

Before she could stop them, tears welled up in her eyes again. "Sam--" her voice broke.

He placed his hand on hers. She looked down at them, the way his hand dwarfed hers. She flipped it over so she could see every line in his palm. With a featherlight touch, she brushed the years' worth of callouses. Sam shivered.

"I'm so sorry."

"You don't have to--"

She intertwined their fingers and squeezed, a silent request for him to let her talk and listen. He pressed his lips together and waited.

Dani released a shuddering breath. As she spoke, she looked at their hands. "Even when Naomi started to... carve into me," the words caught in her throat. Sam's face crumpled for a moment. "All I could think was... 'At least I protected Sam.'" She sniffled. "I remember when she started changing my memories, when she made you into a monster. I fought it so hard, but she just... took you away from me."