Broken Girls And Broken Boys

Chapter Thirty: You deserve it too

"I should go...this was a mistake."

But its too late. Its too late to reverse it. Its too late to go back to the park and not dial his phone number. Its too late to head home and crawl under covers and fall asleep.

Because the damage is done.

"Kendall–" Brody calls my name, softly, almost as if it means something more. I brush away the thought and slip away off the bed as his arms slips out from under the covers to draw me back to bed.

Pulling the blanket tighter around me, I grab my clothes from the floor. "Don't Brody."

Tears sting my eyes and I collect my belongings as quickly as possible, wanting to escape this nightmare that I forced myself into.

"Have I done something wrong? Because last time I checked, you wanted this. Not me, Kendall. I came to see if you were OK and then suddenly we're –"

I cut him off. "I don't want to talk about it. I regret it. I shouldn't have... I shouldn't be here." I hold my clothes to my chest and cuddle them as I'd they're my lifeline– maybe they are.

Brody leans back against the headboard of his bed and watches me, his eyes gentle; his next words are soft. "I'm sorry."

I'm shocked. "Sorry for what? I came here. I wanted to. I made this mistake. I fucked this all up, not you."

He runs a hand over the side of his face. "You were upset, I should've said no. I should've taken you home..."

I fall back onto the edge of the bed and drink in his handsome face.

He's not Grant.

"Brody," my tone is soft, which surprises me and causes him to lift his head to meet my gaze. "It's not your fault."

He takes a deep breath in and runs his hand over his face again. "This is really fucking me up Kendall," his tone is so soft yet I feel as though I'm being hit over and over again with a brick.

"What do you mean?" I wring my hands out in front of me, waiting for his answer.

"You're just hot and cold all the time. One minute you hate me and the next you trying to fu–"

I cut him off. "Don't say that." I'm blinking tears away now, guilt rushing through my heart. Its all I can feel; it burns away the pain and leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

"What? Fuck you Kendall. You're not innocent so don't pretend to be." Anger dampens his words and I feel the sting from Brody's tone.

"I just–" Tears fall thick and fast as my mind is consumed by the fact that my life has suddenly turned and shifted.

I've turned and shifted. Into someone I don't recognize.

"You just what? Regret it?" The anger returns, blazing across the bed to smack me in the heart. A wave of heat engulfs Brody's face but his eyes soften as soon as he catches my wince away from him.

This time, softer, "I know you do. I'm not him Kendall. I'll never be the holy Grant Mitchell.

"And its selfish of me to try and get you to stay. Because you don't want me. You didn't want me last night. You didn't want me four months ago. And you still don't want me.

"I need to stop trying to get you to come back to me. The lying. The games. Messing Serena around to make you jealous. Its not fair.

"I just hope he makes you happy Kendall. After all of this shit is done. Because you deserve that."

He turns his head away from me, signalling that this conversation is over. That this conversation will undoubtedly be our last.

I don't press him to talk and instead pull on my clothes, grab jacket and head down the stairs.

Before I disappear out of the door, I head into the kitchen and pour out a coffee. I grab a pen from the drawer and jot down a note.

As I walk through the corridor and open the door, I glance at the steaming cup off coffee and the letter.

You deserve it too– to be happy.