Coming to Terms with Me

Chapter 3 -- First Session

Lena was relieved when she heard Stef ask for help. She was relieved because she knew they had a chance if Stef was willing to acknowledge that they had a problem. Lena lifted Stef's face. She looked into her wife's eyes as she dried the tears that fell. "I'll help you; we'll help each other. We'll get through this together."

More tears fall from Stef's eyes, "What if... what if you don't like what you hear? What if it's too much?"

Lena smiled full of love. "My beautiful Baby... don't you know by now you could never be too much for me? I meant everything I said to you on our wedding day – '...I accept you. Every single thing, that makes you who you are, from now until the end of time...'" Lena wipes fresh tears from Stef's face. "You are mine, Stefanie Marie Adams Foster, and we will battle whatever is in your mind together."

Stef feels too emotional to respond, so she simply nods in acceptance. Lena begins to fidget as she continues. "Um... don't be mad, but I scheduled our first session for us while you were making breakfast. We're meeting with Dr. Barrone in an hour." Stef quirks her head to the side as she raises an eyebrow. "I was kind of hoping the concern for our marriage would outweigh your discomfort in talking with strangers."

Stef just stands and kisses Lena's lips softly. "Thank you, Love. Let's get ready."

Stef and Lena were out the door 15 minutes later. Stef was noticeably anxious but insisted on driving. The drive was quite but their hands stayed clasped together for the duration. They arrive at the therapist's office 30 minutes later, but Stef was hesitant to get out of the car. Lena rested her hand on her arm. "Stef? Are you coming?"

Stef looked at her, traces of panic evident in her voice. "Lena? You're not going to leave me, right?"

"What do you mean? I'm not going anywhere." Lena says confused.

Stef grips her hand tightly. "Promise me – promise me no matter what happens in there, that you're not going to leave me... please?"

Lena responds without hesitation, "I promise."

"Good. Let's get in there before we're late."

Both women exit the car and walk hand-in-hand into the building. Once they check-in they fill out the necessary paperwork and then wait to be called back. Stef is getting anxious – her leg is shaking and she's biting her nails. Lena rests her hand on her leg and speaks softly but firmly, "Breathe Baby; we're in this together."

As she finishes speaking a woman not much older than them appears in the waiting room. "Mrs. Adams Fosters?" They get up and move to great the woman. "Hi, I'm Dr. Barrone, but you can call me Tricia."

Lena reaches out to shake her hand first. "Nice to meet you Tricia. I'm Lena – we spoke on the phone, and this is my wife Stef."

Stef tries to pull herself together as she reaches to shake her hand as well. "Nice to meet you."

"Well, why don't we head back to my office." They follow Tricia back to her office. "Have a seat anywhere you'd like." Lena moves to the couch, but Tricia watches as Stef hesitates before following. She notes that the women sit so close that their knees are touching; Lena has both her hands clasped around Stef's that's rested in her lap.

"Can I get you ladies anything to drink – water, coffee, tea?"

"No thank you." Both respond.

"Well then, why don't we get started. Lena called me this morning and said you've been having panic attacks almost nightly for the past three months?"