Coming to Terms with Me

Chapter 10 -- My Weakness

Lena continued to rock Stef in her arms and whisper her love softly for about an hour before Stef breaks the silence. "I'm so tired Lena..." Stef whispers.

With newfound understanding Lena holds onto her wife tighter as she says, "I know, Baby. I know you're tired. You've been so strong; strong for me, strong for the kids, strong for yourself; but it's my turn now. I'm going to be your strength now. I'm going to carry you through the dark – literally if I have to." Lena chuckles a bit and feels Stef smile into her neck. "Seriously, Baby, you're not in this alone." Lena pulls Stef so they're face to face, she strokes her cheek gently. "I'm sorry..." tears fall from her eyes. "so sorry, if I ever made you feel like you were in this alone; if I ever let you think I would leave you because I won't. No matter what you're going through, what the struggle is or how you express your feelings – I'll be with you always. My own fears and insecurities have stopped me from pushing you to address this sooner, but not anymore. We're going to fight this battle together; we're going to walk through this side by side, and when you're feeling too tired, I'll carry you, but you can't give up Stef. I need you Baby, and our kids do too. When you feel yourself drowning like this, I need you to come to me because I'll always save you."

Stef looks at Lena with admiration and wonder. She gently traces the contours of her face and smiles as she runs her fingers through her wife's hair. "My Love... you've always been my strength. Don't you know that? Don't you know that you've always kept me from jumping off the ledge; that your love has always pulled me back from the brink?! I didn't mean to scare you tonight. I don't think I would have given up tonight – I hope I wouldn't have given up tonight..." Stef says as her mind wanders back to the water. "I think I was just lost... so lost..." Tears come to Stef's eyes and she smiles even wider. "but you found me! You found me, and once again your love wrapped me in safety and comfort as it pulled me from the dark."

Lena leans forward and gives Stef a desperate kiss, as if it were their last. Tears are falling rapidly as she pulls back. "What would I have done if I got here too late? How would I have continued to live without you?! I love our kids, Stef, I love them so much, but it's in you that I find my wholeness – in you I am complete." Her heartbeat quickens as she cries more uncontrollably while choking out, "I'll ne- ver... leave you... but you... can't le- ave me... either... please..."

Stef grips onto Lena's face firmly, seeing her wife so distraught brings back her own strength – wanting to protect and comfort her Love. "I promise, I will never leave you willingly. Never! I got so lost in my head today, and I understand what could have happened here tonight, but that's not going to happen again. We are going to go to therapy tomorrow, and I'm going to fight. I know it's going to be hard, and our fight is just beginning. I know I'm going to need a lot of reassurance from you, but I promise I won't give up. When I am strong you are my weakness; when I am weak you are my strength."

Stef leans and kisses Lena; their kiss impassions as they continue to express their love with tongues and fervor. Lena pulls back and traces her thumb across Stef's lips. She looks into her eyes as she utters, "My weakness."