Coming to Terms with Me

Chapter 9 -- Trust Me

Lena's anger had quickly dissipated during Stef's emotional disclosure; anger turned to worry about Stef and disappointment in herself. Lena was so disappointed in how she initially reacted to Stef when she put her walls back up.

Lena's thoughts roll rapidly through her mind as she cleans up the kitchen. Tricia told me this wouldn't be easy; she told me to be patient with her; that I am going to be the only one who can pull her through this. We've only just started to address this deep-rooted issue three days ago – why did I lose my patience already? She did so well on Tuesday after therapy, and Wednesday was beautiful – until we went to bed. Maybe I have been naïve; did I really think she was better already? Did I really think that we wouldn't have any bumps in the road? Did I really think that suddenly, she would feel safe and comfortable enough to just divulge all her dark hidden feelings after the way she reacted to masturbating in front of me? She has always struggled with being completely, 100% vulnerable – I know she has exposed more of herself to me than she ever has anyone else, but I've always known her personal demons have held her back from laying herself totally bare with me; she's always feared rejection if she did that, and didn't I just prove her right? My sweet Love... please come home to me, please come back so I can make this right. I would never leave her – why did I allow her to think I would? What have I done...?

Lena is pulled from her thoughts when Callie and Mariana come into the kitchen laughing and chatting. "Hi Bebes! How was school?"

Mariana moves over to Lena giving her a hug as she responds. "Mama, it was so good. I'm liking this casual dating thing – all these guys trying to impress me!"

Lena smirks at her daughter but turns serious as she looks back at Mariana. "I'm glad you're enjoying yourself, but you need to be careful – I don't want to see you or anyone else hurt; and I certainly hope you're not sleeping with all three of these guys?"

"Of course, not Mama!" Mariana replies shocked. "I'm not stupid or a slut- "

Lena cuts her off. "I never said you were stupid or a slut, Mariana. I just want to make sure you're making good decisions, and you're being safe."

"Well, if I was having sex, it would be safe. I don't plan on sleeping with any of them until I know who I want to be with, and then I'll just be sleeping with my boyfriend." Mariana states matter-of-factly.

Callie laughs at Mariana's response, "Yeah, I'm sure that makes Mama feel so much better!"

Lena laughs as she pulls both girls in for a hug. "I love you both so much!"

"We love you too, Mama!" The girls say together.

"Where are your brothers anyway?"

"Jesus is with Emma, Brandon's with Grace, and Jude is with Taylor." Mariana says.

"Where's Mom?" Callie questions.

Lena turns away and begins wiping the already clean counter. "Mom? Um, she's... she went into work for a bit. She wanted to go over some new evidence that came in on a case. I'm not sure if she'll be back before you go to bed, but I'm sure you'll see her in the morning before school."

Callie took notice of Lena's lack of eye contact and hesitation, but Mariana is easily appeased once again. "Okay Mama. Well, I'm going to go do my homework so Callie and I can watch a movie after dinner."

"Okay sweetie; dinner will be ready in a few hours."

"Okay." Mariana turns to go to the stairs but stops when she notices Callie not following. "Are you coming Cal?"

Callie smiles at her sister. "I'll meet you upstairs in a minute; I was going to ask Mama a quick question about my English homework."

Mariana heads for the stairs. "Cool; bring a snack when you come up... please!"