Innocent Murderers

[7] so maybe i'm not okay

A few days. That's how long after my drunken adventure I wished I could go back and feel alcohol's release again. The way it just shielded you and made you a false reality where noting mattered was perfect to me. I just didn't appreciate it until I needed it.

T H R E E H O U R S E A R L I E R

My phone ringing next to me startles me awake, and I groan before picking it up and pressing to my ear without even looking at who it was.

"Hello," I say, voice raspy.

"Kennedy. Kennedy, thank God." Mel's voice waked me up more than anything.

"Mel?" I ask , voice raising before I can register her sobs.

"Kennedy you have to come back," She says. I get up and pace my room, my knees going weak at her broken tone.

"Mel, what happened?" My voice shakes, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. But, your parents they..." My hand tightens around the phone and I freeze in place.

"Mel, what happened?" I ask, deadly quiet. She inhales tightly.

"There was a fire. Last night, and your parents they... they didn't make it out."
And then I'm not shaking. I'm not moving. The phone drops to the floor and I follow suit, dropping to my knees with a thud. The door opens, and I barely register Lucy stepping in before I bring my hand to my face and clench it into a fist, punching the floor.

"Kennedy, are you okay?" She asks, kneeling in front of me. I can't breathe.

"My parents died." I whisper, the words foreign and strange on my tongue. Lucy freezes and looks at her hands.

"I'm sorry, I,"

"Stop." I say, startling myself with my angry tone.

She places a hand on mine, her skin warm against mine. We sit there for what feels like an eternity before she stands up.

"Come on, we're going to England." She says, pulling me up with her. I fight with her tight grip before she quickly wins our mini battle and we go downstairs, ignoring the others' questions. She places me in the range rover that belongs to the hostel and goes back inside, returning with Aaron, Derek and Penny. They all know, I can tell by their solemn, apologetic expressions. I'm still numb, running my hands over my bare thighs, the repetitiveness luring me away from reality for a split second.

Right now, I'm numb to every emotion, and my veins have been ignited, my brain has been thrown into everything I've ever feared. My hands are shaking beneath the hoodie I have pulled over them in a desperate attempt to do something. I can hear the tick tock of the watch strapped to Derek's wrist. Each frustrating sound only adds to the suffocating silence engulfing the car. I squeeze my eyes shut and open them again, blinking away the tears falling from one oblivion to another. I have become an abyss of emptiness.
A rising calamity in this careless world.
I am replaying the phone call over and over in my head, hoping for a sign it's a sick joke.
your parents they... they didn't make it out.
Now I'm packed into the car with Lucy, Aaron and Penny in the back. Jackson agreed to stay behind to see if he could contact the still nowhere to be found Rose. My knee is bouncing up and down to the racing tone of my heart.

The aeroplane ride could not have gone any slower. I managed to coax myself into a sleep plagued with thoughts and stupid yet somehow realistic ideas of what could have possibly happened to the two people keeping me grounded.
Why did I leave them?
I'm so stupid.
And yet I don't regret a thing.
Despite the guilt haunting my insides and shadowing taunting ghosts of happiness across my mind, I don't regret that week I had to
let
go.
But now, as I am forced into the reality I swore I'd left behind, I am guilty. I see how stupid I was to leave, but not how stupid I was to free myself.

The car ride to my house is painful. Agonising.
Derek is patiently waiting for me to breathe my address through the wall of pain and tears shielding my vocal chords from the rest of my body.

It's when I see it I scream. I cry out that this can not have happened. This is a dream. It's a nightmare.
This is not real. For my house is no longer there. Instead is a pile of ashes and broken pieces of my childhood.
I am screaming for my parents. Wishing and hoping uselessly that they will be there, that somehow they escaped and are waiting for me to come back. Instead bile rises in my throat.
In front of the house are two police officers. I duck under the police tape and sprint over to them. Derek is by my side and Aaron close behind
"Excuse me," I rush out. They look at me.
"Can we help you?" The officer's voice is rude and snarky.
"My parents, are they ok?" I ask. The officers freeze.
"I'm sorry,"
And that was it. I was broken. I could feel my heart
breaking
in
two.

I scream again. My throat dry yet slick with tears. There are arms holding me upright, but I force my arms against them and push them back to whatever abyss they emerged from and fall to my knees ignoring the pain shooting through my bare knees on the ash covered pavement. The fire is still alight. There are two flames still licking at the remains of my kitchen.

"Are you Kennedy?" Asks a kind voice. I look up, daring to flick my eyes up the monsters who told me my parents were dead. My parent. parents. Dead parents.

My voice is hoarse as if it has been sanded to a barely audible whisper.
"Yes,"
A woman crouches down before my tear streaked face.
"It's going to be okay." She whispers in my ear, pushing away the ginger hair that has fallen prisoner to my tears, slick with sweat from my clenched cheeks.
"No it's not." I look down, my blue eyes finding reverie in a crack in the concrete. Derek crouches down beside me.
"It is Kennedy. It's going to be okay because we are going to get you through this." He mutters. I look at him.
"You can't say that. I've known you for a week. You should go back to New York and carry on with your lives." I say back to him, finding my feet again and standing up. My knees give out almost immediately, but Aaron catches me. I turn to him in an instant and he engulfs me against his chest. I sob then, the numbness giving way to every emotion rushing into my veins and pouring towards my heart. The sirens are wailing, yet Aaron's silence is enough to drown out everything.

I don't know these people. These people I met because of an emotional outburst overcome by bad ideas and impossible situations.

And yet, they know me. The numbness I feel is still there, but it's like sitting in front of a fire. The fire being my new friends.

The aching hole in my heart sends me into tears again, memories going round and round in my head like a broken record.

This can't be real.

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This is the longest chapter yet, I swear. And also most of this chapter is from the original chapter because I just love how it was written so ya know.

K byeeee